Buzzkill of the Day
Noah, you fucking hated that job and it seemed to ruin you mentally as well. Now you've gotten a kick in the ass to go look for something else. Do it.
Do what you gotta do for yourself to get through this time, Pepper.
Even if you piss your family off by avoiding them.
I hope that James is being kind and senstive.
Buzzkill: One more day of holiday and then work. Waaaaaah!
Also I went to the supermarket before and I forgot bread and toilet paper. Ugh.
Bread and toilet paper are essentials.
I hate when I forget those.
Hattie, thanks for the advice. I think you're right.
Noah! NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO SEARCH FOR SOMETHING WITH YOUR TALENTS!
I have an interview to translate for the radio website and the soprano mentions an opera by Leos Janacek whose name I CAN'T FIND! A rough translation would be "Bead on a string" (I have the Romanian title). I think I need a list of characters, in case the title was adapted heavily, but I don't have that, so I can't look for the 'official' title in English.
FML. If I was sillier (like some of my classmates are) I would've translated the title myself and not bothered to check, but my name's on the stuff and I can't afford any mistakes. So yeah, translating is also about checking and double-checking and all. For instance, the most common English name for Berlin's State Chapel is actually its German name, Staatskappelle.
Noah! NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO SEARCH FOR SOMETHING WITH YOUR TALENTS!
I have no real talents, Nothing that will make me money.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Art, you numb fuck, I'm talking about art! Your drawing, even if it's unorthodox, is consistent and awesome. Don't give me this shit about how you can't do anything. And you don't need to be rich, you need to pay bills. And not be stressed.
I live in Portland. Every other asshole is an artist. We have like 3 artschools here. I am going to try to start a webcomic though.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Your ceramics are awesome, Noah. I'd buy something. You could possibly set up an online shop of some sort even if it's something on the side? My pottery teacher sells some of her pieces out of a local gift shop type of thing, maybe something like that would work too?
I don't know. I'm sorry man and I hope you find something better. Very soon.
Yeah Noah make an Etsy account.
This cough won't go awaaaaaay. Had friends over tonight but every time I laughed I coughed up a lung. It's just sort of draining me and I don't feel much like myself.
I dropped my stupid cigarettes in the snow.
Work tomorrow! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Feeling worse today. My nose won't stop running and my throat is starting to bother me dammit.
The buzzkill of last night was when I went out with 2 female friends to a martini bar, a drunk Guatemalan who sounded like the South Park impression of Carlos Mencia literally killed my buzz. He would not leave us alone. I had a buzz. He did not leave until it was dead.
Hooray: Jell-O shot girl was really nice though. We had a nice conversation that didn't involve me being awkward. I also made a friend laugh. We were watching a pickup. As the girl walked away, she looked my way and I gave her a single big truck driver arm pump(is that what you call that?)
I just want to talk to my friend and this piece of shit phone doesn't get service. This is also a first world problem.
My boyfriend has the shittest time management in the world, I want to slap him!
I don't know if I should put this here or in the facebook thread, but it killed my morning, so it's going here.
Background: My ex-husband's father got married to a younger woman with kids while my husband and I were together. I was the baby-sitter for the youngest two. The older one ran away when their mom and my FIL started dating and never came back. The youngest, Beverly, was an adorable and precocious seven-year-old then. Derek was nine. They were both great kids. I loved them like my own children.
Over time, I could see what horrible parents my in-laws were. They exacted very harsh punishments randomly for small infractions like being 5 minutes late and let the kids off easy or with no discipline at all for serious issues like stealing (from stores or other people, or even breaking and entering) or skipping school - (these were the later infractions).
They also blamed everyone else for their kids' problems. It was the schools fault that they were always doing badly in school - they gave too much homework and that's why it was never done, they had it out for them, they made it too hard for kids their age and the like. When Bev was 13, my father in law told the police that the church should have locked it's windows and then Bev would have never climbed through them to steal purses...he said it was the church's fault!!!
I had many an argument with my husband about his parents. I wanted to at least get Bev out of there. She deserved better. When the state intervened and was looking for a foster family (none of their kids lasted past 15 with them) I begged him to let me take her and raise her. I KNEW if I didn't she would wind up a high school dropout and probably a stripper or even dead. He refused. He said not to intervene. We had enough problems, blah, blah, blah.
So - to the buzzkill of today: Nineteen year old Beverly has just posted a series of posts - She and her two year old son have moved to Portland, she left her 32 year old felon boyfriend, but is hoping they can get back together, and she is looking for a job as a stripper. Apparently she has a lot of experience pole dancing.
All I feel is guilt. I let her down and there is no way to get her back. She doesn't even understand where she was failed. I would offer to help her now, but her perspective is so messed up I can't have her around my kids. My daughter adores her "Aunt" Bev, so I have to be very careful about how deal with this situation.
This sucks. I just wanted a lazy Sunday.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
TL;DR
Bad parents suck.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Oh gosh Freemena, that is horrible. I'm sorry. I hope everything ends up working out for her. You can't blame yourself though, you tried.
Buzzkill: I have to write my research paper on Macbeth today/tonight (probably tonight knowing me) and I don't even know what the question is. I don't know why we have to write this paper. I hate Macbeth. We've been doing it since the last week of September. I guess it's a hooray too though because after January 8th, we're done with Macbeth! Forever!
Update: the paper is on the Real Macbeth and why Shakespeare altered the history to create his play.
The final draft is due on the 14th, not the 8th. Another buzzkill. But then we'll be done!!
After tearing my van apart (and taking two effing weeks to do so) the mechanics have informed us that the motor is pretty much completely shot and our best bet is to put an entire new motor in it for about three grand or just scrap the thing.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I'm sorry, Amber, and I hope something good comes along that will make this easier on you guys.
We are going to see if his grandma will sell us her truck, with a grand or so down payment and a couple hundred a month, which is only eleven years old and was bought new and hasn't been driven since his grandpa passed two years ago except to move it around in the driveway and stuff.
I'm asking my grandma for a loan to buy myself a car so I can start getting my own personal shit together, regardless of anything else in the fucking world.
I won't finance from a dealer unless there are no other options. I've been royally screwed every time I did that in the past.
Rather buy myself an old sturdy junker looking thing that will get me around reliably for a few years than worry about payments and whether something looks nice.
Amen, sister. I paid off my car a couple of months ago and I will NEVER EVER finance a car again. Not ever. I didn't get screwed persay, but when I think about a car loan and the assload of interest that really adds up over time....I kinda did get screwed, so fuck that. So stupid to end up paying two or three times more than a car's even worth by the time you pay for it. Got that shit paid off early and like I said...never again will I finance a car.
Yeah, we only paid $3,000 for our '98 Cadillac with 100,000 miles on it. Justbromein good and it has all the bells and whistles. Heated seats. I love that car and it runs great. I'm not one that is consumed with having the newest and the nicest. I just want reliable, heat and air. My girlfriend just took a loan out for a Cadillac.... $25,000!!!!!!! STUPID in my opinion, but she probably thinks I'm stupid for buying acar that's 15 years old. Whatever, I have NO monthly payment. 
Whatever Whore!
I've got a nice, sensible Camry. This is my third Toyota and I swear by it!
hahaha
ha
ha
she says she'll co-sign if I go to a dealer. Nothing more.
Haven't asked for a dime in years.
Ha ha ha ha ha
I'm not entitled, but fuck.
She only helps those who don't need it, not needing it is a sign of hardwork. needing it means you are lazy.
That stinks, Amber. All of it.
I hope you can work something out to get youself some wheels.
Oh Amber, I'm sorry. My grandma is/was like that, too.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
I had a long ass day. Been hypersensitive being sick and restless all night.
Didn't get to see my new/old boyfriend who was in town for the weekend last minute. We had a little spat and it ruined the rest of my day.
I was about to set up my stuff to paint and my mom said something that just ruined it for me so I put my shit back in my room and decided to draw instead.
These are minor things but I was really frustrated. I'm trying to move forward but feels like the past keeps dragging me down.
That's what the past does, Jaz.
That's why we have to put it, you know, in the past.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Fuck. My office stinks because there was a lady in here with the worst body odor ever. I've been waving papers around to try to get rid off the smell, because honestly, I'm queazy.
She made me look at this paper she brought which was half chewed up, had weird stains on it and was torn in some places. *Shiver*
I think I'm going to need distance glasses. I mean, I know I need them. I had to read a whole hour and a half from the projector in class and now I have a major headache, two hours later. Also tried on my classmate's distance glasses and I could see so fucking clear it scared me. So, yeah, tomorrow I'm making an appointment.
I pulled something in my chest. Really bad, cant move my arm in full rotation. But this could be hooray or TMI but I pulled it during sex!
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Take care of your eyes Irina. I started wearing glasses in 6th grade. My vision is 20/2400. Yeah that's right, 20/2400. Terrible vision.
Whatever Whore!
My house is so clean right now, but the dog stinks like burning sulphur and poop. I wish he lived outside.
Haha, gosh you really hate that dog, don't you? Does he belong to your hubby?
My buzzkill: back to work tomorrow!
Yes, he came with Drew. You must understand how absolutely accomodating I am of this animal. It's just that I'm not a dog person, unless they're little tiny dogs. I've been terrified of large dogs my entire life. Drew says he's not a big dog, but he weighs 75 pounds. He doesn't intimidate me or anything, but there's nothing cute about large dogs. I don't look at him and think AWWWW, LET'S CUDDLE. I look at him and think STOP RUNNING IN CIRCLES ONLY TO STOP AND LICK YOUR BUTT WHEN YOU CATCH IT, or STOP SHREDDING THE TRASH OUT OF THE BATHROOM CANNISTERS BEFORE I CAN GET THEM EMPTIED. I don't hate him, but he's not a cat, so I'm never going to adore him, see? Also, he smells really bad all the time. Dogs are disgusting.
I woke up with a text message, a missed call, and a voicemail from my friend. She called at 4:37 am and I didn't hear it. All the voicemail said was "Gabby please pick up I'm sorry please" and I still do not know what is going on. I've been asking other friends and we still don't know. I just called her about ten minutes ago with no pick up.
She was totally drunk but not knowing what's going on gets really distracting. This is an internet friend, too, so I can't just go to her house and ask what the fuck is wrong with her.
Bleh.
Good luck to anyone who calls me during the night, my phone is always turned off while I'm sleeping.
That's pretty shitty, though, I hope she's ok.
I'm so sad that Katy Perry doc is over. I feel really glum now.
She just called and she's fine. I guess this should be a hooray but whatever.
I got a verbal warning at work today if I don't produce more by the end of next week, I get a written warning, which all leads to termination. I've seen it coming for a while so I was very aware of my body language when they called me into the office. The biggest part of this buzzkill was that I was never given a copy of the matrix so I didn't know what my gals were supposed to be from week to week. Oh and the not having a job thing. That sucks too.
That's why we have to put it, you know, in the past.
True but it's also the basis of learning and not repeating the same mistakes twice. I've shoved a lot of my past behind me but I have plenty of wounds that are still healing and that could take a lifetime to forget about. I've come a long way but it's definitely still a work in progress. If I could completely let go and forget about it all I would but that would also require denying a part of who I am and how I came to be this way. I can bullshit but I can never be fake. Completely forgetting would require me to be fake and to be someone I'm not.
As time goes by you don't so much forget the past, as just not think of all of it as much, because so many other things keep happening to think about that the past gets longer and a good portion of it further and further away.
Me, I'm worried for when the future starts to look shorter than the past. Hope that is a way and ways away still.
Whatever this sickness is that started on Friday, took a whole new turn yesterday. I went to Urgent care tonight to get put on a ZPack. Doc said I more than likely have the flu and a touch of bronchitis. My body hurts everywhere!! Even my hair hurts! My skin is sore, fever and cold while sweating when I sleep. This is kicking my ass. I'm not going to my Dads Brain Biopsy in the morning. Even if I would only stay in the waiting room, I would probably get the rest of the family sick, like my Mom, who Inturn would get him sick. Honestly, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Bob left for Austn today for 10 days, so I'm left to take care of myself. That involves me laying on the couch today, only to get up to pee or get a new bottled water. Tonight I had the bright idea to drink Claussen Pickle Juice. My thinking, all the garlic in this will certainly get rid of this. My breath is gonna smell bad, but if it makes this go away, who cares about my breath? I'll just brush my teeth and pop in a few Altoids. Yeah, the pickle juice is the new cure for this winters flu. I'm so desperate you guys. I hate being sick and the part I hate the most about it, is I feel really sick 
yeah, I think my mind may be slipping a little too. I guess I should be thankful I still have the strength to type to my interwebs friends and read their post. You've guys, unaware, have kept me going with all these long hours on the couch. Now only if you could spoon me when I go to bed and tickle/rub my back till I fall asleep. I can't take a full on back rub with the sore skin and all, so yeah you have to do it like you're drawing soap pictures on my back like when in the tub.
Whatever Whore!
You can't have lost your mind too much yet if you are instructing us on the proper methods of bubble back rubbing you.
Feel better. Can someone bring you tea and soup or anything?
Well sorry Pepper, I guess I was just trying a little wishful thinking for you. I guess then hopefully you get through it without to much trouble.
Noah, use your insurance while you can and I hope you find you a job soon. How is the job market where you live? And do you have a degree or talents that you would like to explore job wise? I think this is a good opportunity for you to maybe get more into the field of something you like. I'm ready to get back into the working after being out of the workforce for 13 years. I'm lost and have no idea where to look. Well I do, entry level and non degree employment.
Whatever Whore!