bodily additions

i wouldnt know where to start or stop.

*thinks lovingly of Neuromancer*

fucking nutella... I don't know one single person who eats the stuff.. not even a friend of a friend from a different town... in fact, I've never even heard of or seen anyone buying the shit, or using the shit, or having a jar of the shit in their cupboard, or whatever... like some kind of mofo'in' urban legend or somethin', ya know, and the only jar of the shit I've ever seen was at the local supermarket, hidden away behind the peanut butter with a white label, marked simply peanut butter in black letters, and you can barely make out the nutella label as it's covered in so much dust, like it's the same bottle as last year and the year before, and this shit must have one helluva shelf life or the store just leaves it there cause it's like an ancient holy relic or something, afraid to touch it lest it crumble to dust on their fingertips... so yeah, i don't even know what the hell this shit is, but i'm guessing it's peanut butter but not really...

And really I'm not sure that "lobbying conservative types" are stopping you from getting a spider monkey's tail attached to your rectum... really I don't think they, whoever the fuck this mysterious group of "lobbying conservative types" are, would stop you if you tried. "They" probably don't give a fuck what you do in the privacy of your own home with a spider monkey. So enjoy... go buy a friggin' monkey and go apeshit...

As far as modifications go, I'd like to implant some sort of device in my brain that filters out all the stupid people... like erases them from existence in my mind... hypnotized even so I don't notice 'em... life would take on a whole different light and i pretty much think I could alleviate all of my stress if the stupid people didn't exist in my reality...

Ouch. Harsh. God bless constructive criticism.
Nuttella = hazelnut spread

i would like to fly, or at least jump really high.

i've tried nutella once. a friend of mine had it. it was pretty gross, peanut butter and chocolate in a smooth shitty texture

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tuffy the Dump Truck [/i]
[B]I've always wanted a clitoris.

You know.... [i]in addition...[/i] [/B][/QUOTE]

I want a Tuffy, the new kind that comes with a fully functioning clit, *[i]in addition[/i]* to play with.

Tuffy the SheMale Dump Truck? Can you say hermaphroditic hijinks ten times fast? Chicks with Dicks, or Dicks who are Chicks? Confused I be. Of course you only specified a clitoris, not a vagina or labia or mons venus or any of that other stuff, so really it'd be like a two-dicked dump truck with one of the dicks being clit-sized or much smaller than the "grower"... more like an antenna or something...

Um, ditch the clit and just get the g spot attached to your hand... Orgasmic handshakes here you come... (second pun unintended)

I was thinking a regular old hot guy with a clitoris as well as a dick. Not a guy with two dicks. And I'll skip the vagina.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Brock Landers [/i]
[B]Tuffy the SheMale Dump Truck? Can you say hermaphroditic hijinks ten times fast? Chicks with Dicks, or Dicks who are Chicks? Confused I be. Of course you only specified a clitoris, not a vagina or labia or mons venus or any of that other stuff, so really it'd be like a two-dicked dump truck with one of the dicks being clit-sized or much smaller than the "grower"... more like an ANTENNA or something... [/B][/QUOTE]

just felt like expanding on an idea...

[img]http://www.houndshome.com/morefun/images/con02015.gif[/img]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tuffy the Dump Truck [/i]
[B]That's what I was thinking. You know. With the clitoris situated just above the penis for pubic-bone-slamming purposes. [/B][/QUOTE]
Godd placement there for lots of reasons. But I like the way you think tuffster

Bathroom break, maybe...

Thats very tantric of you

or not

You want too much thinking? Hw about replacing your testicles with thse of a blue whale... the largest in the world... who's balls are the size of roughly a Volkswagen Beetle and a midget could crawl inside of it's major arteries... now, with all the extra sperm to keep you horned-up... as we all know that the fuller your scrote becomes the more you want to keep fucking over and over again... you could probably never feel tired from sex, and always want sex, and never deplete your bodily fluids, and really i feel this way most of the time now just cause it's the warmer months and chicks wear less and I'm always horned-up and ready for action, but the point being with whale nuts you could pretty much be coming and fucking all the time, every day for the rest of your life, asuming you weren't a blue whale, which brings into consideration the fact that with these giant balls the size of a car, it might make sex with a human penis a bit, shall we say, awkward... and most chicks might find it a little strange, to say the least, however, if you were like some genetically enhanced human with whale balls and maybe a more elephantine phallus then perhaps... and well... it boggles the mind.. infinite possibilities... which reminds me of a film called "Sex & Zen", where the hero of the story gets a real horse's cock surgically transplanted onto his body... it's actually quite good...

Do these vw beetle sized nads come with an engine and wheels? I think it'd be more conveniant to just adjust your current gear so it refills quicker, plus do some tweaking to the hormone system..
Though if I had my way with my hormone system I'd never have to call my matey down the road again..

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by lokigod [/i]
[B]Do these vw beetle sized nads come with an engine and wheels? I think it'd be more conveniant to just adjust your current gear so it refills quicker, plus do some tweaking to the hormone system..
Though if I had my way with my hormone system I'd never have to call my matey down the road again.. [/B][/QUOTE]

Tweaking is one thing, but bear with me for a sec... since overthinking seems to be the method of the day... there's a lot we don't know about our testes... when and how did it begin? Will it end? When? Does time change the rate at which it occurs? And much more. But we DO know, however, that upon ejaculation, after our little white soldiers are scattered all over the Earth, they are gone forever. Even if every sperm somehow found the very same position and velocity it had at some given time before our explosion, in order to exactly reconstruct our original living body, our original nutsack would be no more. The reconstructed balls would be indistinguishable from the original, but only a clone... a completely different individual ballbag which, though just created, thinks it is the original, assuming it can think of course. Breaking the chemical bonds, even for an instant, destroys the entire ejaculatory reasoning behind things. Immediately replacing each and every spoo creates a different being of infinite light. An exactly similar combination of bodily fluids, or the same combination reconstructed, results in another unique thing. We're all indeed very fortunate to have experienced any fucking orgiastic bliss at all. Can we possibly figure just how fortunate we are? We can try...

A man produces about 400 billion sperm cells in his lifetime. Assuming about 1 billion persons per generation, a billion men, the total lifetime sperm pool of those billion men would be 400 billion sperm cells per male per lifetime, times a billion males, or a total of 400 quintillion sperm cells in one generation. That's 400 plus 18 zeros....this about equals the number of milliseconds since the Big Bang, or in this case.. the first big gang-bang... Similarly, the female ovum pool for this generation is 300,000,000,000 total ova. But, remember, a different person is created depending upon which ovum a single sperm cell fertilizes... and what about thew jizz moppers of the world? How many genocidal spooge massacre's have they had to cleanup? And what about all those money shots in adult video? And the times when you shot your load up your girlfriend's nose or in her eye and she got pissed? This of course leaves out all of the countles sperms you murder everyday and flush down the toilet in used kleenex, or smear on the wall, or eat... and as that makes no sense, then how does a different person be also created depending upon which sperm cell fertilizes a single ovum?

Each combination of sperm cell and ovum results in a completely different human being, and literally billions are killed ceaselessly and without mercy daily! Thus, the total number of possible human beings is the product of the total contents of each pool, or 120 followed by 30 zeros! These 2 billion men and women, however, actually gave birth to about 2 billion children. Thus we can estimate our chances of having been born to be about 2 billion divided by 120 plus 30 zeros, or one chance in 6 + 22 zeros! How fortunate we all are to have made it without blue whale nutsacs as our seed...

But there's more to it than that! Our 1 chance in 6 + 22 zeros of being born assumed our parents already existed. Each of our parents had to run that same gauntlet we did, or rather had to play the same stupid ass relationship games just to get some hot, sweaty rump-pumping going on... Since we can only be the child of our parents, it was important for us that they succeeded in being born, too. Each parent also had about a chance in 6 + 22 zeros of being born. The chances of BOTH parents being born would thus be about one in 36 + 44 zeros. Multiply this number by their chances of finding each other and bearing you (one in 6 + 22 zeros) and we have one in 216 + 66 zeros. And we haven't even considered our FOUR grandparents yet. Were we to carry on back through the 100,000 generations of mankind, down through the millions of generations of apes and reptiles, not that your dead grandparents fucked apes but... and the billions of generations of lower lifeforms, both bisexual and monosexual, to the very first chance creation of life 5 billion years ago, we'd find our chance of having existed to be roughly one chance in 10exp(10exp33), or 1 followed by 10-to-the-33rd zeros. That's 10- to-the-decillionth zeros! Make it a decillion and 1, and the whole number changes by a factor of 10! (An American decillion = a British 1000- quintillion... osr some such, as I suck at math...

But human life can be proliferated using the genetic code in any of its 40 quadrillion cells, not just ovum or sperm cells. The increase in the number of paths, just from this consideration alone, would add an inconceivable number of zeros after the one, making the actual number, itself, of paths, completely unimaginable. But from the first instant of the Big Bang, 10 billion years BEFORE life appeared, the number of paths down which the universe and life could have developed and traveled through time and space are countless and would add many many more zeros to that 1-plus-a-decillion-zeros number... and all the wasted cumshots have no effect on even that infintesimal number...

The direction mankind will take - and in fact the nature and form of ALL future events - will change with the outcome of EVERY chance event of the most microscopic particle, and, therefore, with every trivial decision ever made by any thinking lifeform. Whether or not you choose to turn at the next intersection will, within hours, minutes, or even seconds, change traffic patterns around the world. A completely different set of persons will be killed and injured in auto accidents from now on. The world would soon take on a different face, with quite different people, different events, different wars, etc. In fact, whether or not mankind survives into the 21st and 22nd centuries could well depend on your decision at that next intersection! CONVERSELY, in order for us to be here, alive, now, it will have been absolutely necessary for EVERY event in the past to have taken place at EXACTLY the time and place that it did. If any atom or photon, since time began, had a different position, velocity, or orientation than it actually did have, NONE of us would be here today, or ever... fuckin' A!

Possibly the only way to figure our chances of existing would be to take all particles existing at the moment of the Big Bang and figure the chance of resulting in our exact present situation. A rough calculation gives us just one chance in 10exp(10exp115) possible paths. This is a one followed by 10-to-the-115th zeros! It's tempting to besmirch such an incomprehensible number of paths as meaningless. However I feel it'll ultimately be necessary to invoke such large numbers in order to explain in detail how the miracle of the mind and body of man on earth could have emerged from the chaos of the Big Bang. Mutation, selection, and survival of the fittest aren't the total picture: Large numbers help our understanding by allowing us the luxury of introducing enormous numbers of failures, blind alleys, unproductive paths, trials gone awry, inefficiencies, waste - ad infinitum - decillions of failures for each of the billions of successes necessary for the miracle of man on earth... so um... carpe diem or what-not...

From the beginning of time, the universe has chosen to wend its way down just ONE erratic path. Any other path would NOT have included us! Had one leaf flopped, instead of flipped, a billion years ago, none of us would be here now. It's no wonder many people consider all this a miracle and that we're here by the grace of a God that always was and always will be... even though they are full of shit and god is dead and never existed in the first place... fucking heathens!

Belief in a God does solve one problem: By "knowing" aka "believing in lies backed up by more lies" there's an Afterlife, the fear of our inevitable death is eliminated. For those of us who can't fit a God and an Afterlife into our picture of the universe, this nagging fear of death is very real. Perhaps the knowledge that we're so extremely fortunate to have experienced life may help to allay that fear somewhat. On the other hand, after being so miraculously lucky to be here at all, it's very disappointing to discover that we'll be RETURNING to blackness and nothingness after just an instant on earth. The blackness up to our birth was finite. But after our death the blackness is eternal and terrifying. We can only try to console ourselves by marveling at the miracle of this instant, extracting from it what pleasure we can...

We've bucked unbelievable odds in order to experience this moment of life. This life, therefore, is something precious, something that should be savored to the limit. But anyone not respecting the precious lives of others should pay with his own. We shouldn't have to put up with the likes of those who murder, maim, rape, steal, or defraud. Their lives should be ended in order to make room for some of the many fine, deserving persons who never would have known life at all...

If you have a closed mind or a weak stomach, you may not be ready for this last thought: There are many "pseudo-persons" that have bucked all those unbelievable odds, but weren't quite able to complete that last gauntlet. These are the mental or physical vegetables that will never contribute to our society, and in fact will require constant attention, draining our resources to no useful purpose. Our fetish with preserving any form of life at any cost must be re-examined. Murder is often justified, whether it be for killing invading armies, killing fish or livestock for food, killing by pesticides, abortion, vivisection, executing criminals, unplugging life support systems, and the "mercy" killing of human vegetables and the hopelessly insane, to make room for desirable, contributing persons. We've learned much about life and death, here so far, now let's put these ideas to work... and what does this have to do with Volkswagen Beetle-sized Blue Whale testicles? Fuck if i know. Sometimes ya gotta stop trying to stay on topic and just run with whatever comes...or cums...

Dude, I think I'd get wheels.

On my hands.

Always thinking.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tuffy the Dump Truck [/i]
[B]:::sings:::

Ehhhhh-vry sperm is saaaaaaaaaay-cred
Ehhhhh-vry perm is gooood
Eeeeeeeeeeeeee-vry sperm is wannnnnnnnn-ted
In your nay-bor-hood! [/B][/QUOTE]

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate." - Monty Python, "The Meaning of Life"

"Gun arms"?

Ahh, the smiting of the inevitable foes. I understand now. It sounds kind of Borg-ish.

Whoah. I'll never look at an ejaculation the same way..
But when looking at the big picture, (as you've done to such an extent my brain smells like it's on fire) after ourselves and our forefathers miraculously making it through to conception what have we achieved since the big bang? Apart from adapting and evolving ourselves so we'd have every opportunity to make-with-the-love that is. The meaning of life? To make more life I guess..
How depressing, my life revolves around getting laid *sigh* I need comfort food

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by lokigod [/i]
[B]Whoah. I'll never look at an ejaculation the same way..
But when looking at the big picture, (as you've done to such an extent my brain smells like it's on fire) after ourselves and our forefathers miraculously making it through to conception what have we achieved since the big bang? Apart from adapting and evolving ourselves so we'd have every opportunity to make-with-the-love that is. The meaning of life? To make more life I guess..
How depressing, my life revolves around getting laid *sigh* I need comfort food [/B][/QUOTE]

I officially *heart* this kid.

Call me busted, broke and not working properly but I don't wanna.
It's not like everyone on earth has something to offer to the gene pool anyways

Is it wrong to have expected something more from life?

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by lokigod [/i]
[B]Call me busted, broke and not working properly but I don't wanna.
It's not like everyone on earth has something to offer to the gene pool anyways

Is it wrong to have expected something more from life? [/B][/QUOTE]

Yes... some people should not procreate, and no... not wrong to expect more, just don't be disappointed when you don't get it...

I'm the other way round, Gucci: I think I worry way too much about the mundane details of life that I never look at the big picture.

Perhaps we need to pool our collective neroses and bring about something positive for the planet Earth.

A much better idea.

Sort'd.
And no matter how bad we occasionally feel about our near-meaningless on earth we always have gooch's example of trailor trash to help us feel better 'bout ourselves.

You could get really, really drunk and start a venting thread like prototype. That thing just cracked me up.

I'm degreeless. *sigh* It would just be taken as the rambled whinings of a legless 18yo. Um, pabst blue ribbon? Is that as in some sort of gourmet Blue-Ribbon-brand ice cream, that pikeys can't afford?

I like Gucci's last two posts.... you could pretty much add them to any sentence...

for instance...

Did you hear about that serial killer who liked to make pizzas out of people's nipples? That's why god invented pabst blue ribbon...

Nipple-pizza kinda sorta even sounds a bit tasty to me... or we could just sit here and post all day...

Well actually I gotta run to the gas station and fill up my car as I'm on Empty and I think I'll grab a pack of condoims while I'm there too. That's why god invented Pabst blue ribbon...

Cool, maybe I'll catch up with you later after I finish waxing my pubes... or we could just sit here and post all day...

on and on...

What's a pikey? Wasn't that what Brad Pitt was in Snatch?

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by The Gucci Ghost [/i]
[B]its the beer brand of choice among the mulleted masses [/B][/QUOTE]

I gots no mullet, but Pabst ain't bad... better than Budweiser anyway... and most domestic shit. Then again I picked up four cases of Mickey's Hornet's last evening so no accounting for taste...

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tuffy the Dump Truck [/i]
[B]Ever chug a Mickey's 64 ouncer, Brock? It huuuuuuurts soooooooo gooooooood. [/B][/QUOTE]

Best way to start off the day... breakfast of champeens... and all's we got is 40-ouncers white-boy ghetto-style

[img]http://www.mickeys.com/images/Menu/logoHornet.gif[/img]

Yeah, pikey=white trash=booner=bogan. The last two I've been using quite often lateley, thought I'd bench them for this one. 64 ounce? Is that like a yard glass?

So I put Pabst Blue Ribbon in my search engine and this turns up... reminds me of Ghost World... interesting to say the least... "sho' nuff"

[img]http://store4.yimg.com/I/pastpresent_1731_65186166[/img]

I know... wierd huh... I bet Pabst Blue Ribbon tries to keep stuff like this "bottled up"... no pun intended... hidden away in some vault to hide their past bigotry...

Wish I had pants with a big racing stripe running down it like that guy...
Go-fast stripes rule

Like?...

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tuffy the Dump Truck [/i]
[B]If you look hard enough, most (well, a great many) companies that have been around since Jim Crow and earlier have little closeted skeletons such as that. [/B][/QUOTE]

That's precisely why I said it reminded me of the film Ghost World.... in the film Steve Buscemi loans out a picture of a giant black-faced white-lipped "Uncle Tom"-type smiley face that was an old advertisement for a fried chicken franchise...

Dude, it's sooo much easier if you just do it for me, now isn't it?!

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by jane s. [/i]
[B]Like?... [/B][/QUOTE]

ever had Aunt Jemima syrup? [img]http://www.ferris.edu/news/jimcrow/newforms/pancake.jpg[/img]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tuffy the Dump Truck [/i]
[B] Just put your lips together and blow... [/B][/QUOTE]

Great Lauren Bacall Humprey Bogart scene in The Big Sleep... by the who... and I think we both wrote Aunt Jemima at the same time...

Ahh, the Big Sleep, the coolest movie ever made....I think I've had that syrup? Maybe? I eat the kind...that comes in the bottle....that my mom buys. Yeah.

i like nutella just fine and i've got a jar at home in my cupboard. guess i must be a freak!

and a tool...

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tuffy the Dump Truck [/i]
[B]Knox. It's your use of the word "faggot" that makes you a homophobe. The punching-out of lights merely makes you a violent and ineffectual communicator of your feelings. [/B][/QUOTE]

ha ha, but isnt that thier word? homosexual is like saying homo-sapien. it doesnt narrow it down. another dumb thing, the gay parade, what the hell? why dont i get a parade for being straight?

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Brock Landers [/i]
[B]Great Lauren Bacall Humprey Bogart scene in The Big Sleep... by the who... and I think we both wrote Aunt Jemima at the same time... [/B][/QUOTE]

actually, this is from to have and have not.

you know how to whistle, steve, don't you? la la la

I want a tail. That'd be pretty boss.

[QUOTE]
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Knoxville's sig: Isn't it interesting that if I grab a woman's ass and she punches my lights out then she's defending her rights, but if a faggot grabs my ass and I punch his lights out, then I'm a homophobe?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knox. It's your use of the word "faggot" that makes you a homophobe. The punching-out of lights merely makes you a violent and ineffectual communicator of your feelings. [/QUOTE]

AWESOME.

oh, and i want telekenesis. barring that, wings.