Attn: Customers
An SUV is not a truck and it doesn't matter that you've taken all the seats out, I still can't fit a two-piece sectional into the back of your SUV.
i think he must work at Mor
www.triplebeard.com
http://darkroomreview.blogspot.com
“...There are so many ways of being despicable it quite makes one's head spin. But the way to be really despicable is to be contemptuous of other people's pain. You ought to have some apprehension that the man you see before you was once even younger than you are now and arrived at his present wretchedness by imperceptible degrees.”
-James Baldwin
Does breathing in the fumes that emanate off of cheap furniture make your brain get wuzzy?
THATS SO +3 STILETTO DUDE
YES
www.triplebeard.com
http://darkroomreview.blogspot.com
“...There are so many ways of being despicable it quite makes one's head spin. But the way to be really despicable is to be contemptuous of other people's pain. You ought to have some apprehension that the man you see before you was once even younger than you are now and arrived at his present wretchedness by imperceptible degrees.”
-James Baldwin
I suspected as much. I wonder if Ikea employees suffer the same fate? Maybe the glue in the pressboard that Ikea uses, is made with rendered Swedish meatballs, and thusly less harmfully-toxic?
THATS SO +3 STILETTO DUDE
Oh man, now I want Swedish meatballs sooooo badly.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
need a new area rug for my room. maybe i'll go to ikea today. but i always hate doing that. people throwing tons of cheaply made swedish shit into their cars. hell, last time i almost got hit IN THE PARKING LOT, TWICE, BY THE SAME PERSON
www.triplebeard.com
http://darkroomreview.blogspot.com
“...There are so many ways of being despicable it quite makes one's head spin. But the way to be really despicable is to be contemptuous of other people's pain. You ought to have some apprehension that the man you see before you was once even younger than you are now and arrived at his present wretchedness by imperceptible degrees.”
-James Baldwin
free meatballs today, guys!!!
http://www.ikea.com/ms/en_US/special_offers.html
THATS SO +3 STILETTO DUDE
This thread is anybody who wants to talk about the dumb customers they get, not just the ones I get.
Probably should have said that in my original post...
Ohhhhhh...... well in THAT case
when i used to work at Safeway, I kept a list of the weirdnesses. Things like someone buying 3 tubs of "I can't believe it's not butter" and a lb of butter.
or the midget who would come shop alone and only buy food he could reach. so basically anything 3 feet or lower was his diet.
THATS SO +3 STILETTO DUDE
That's actually kind of sad.
Life is sad.
THATS SO +3 STILETTO DUDE
That's actually kind of sad.
I dunno. It could be happy. I've never really paid attention to what stores stock in the lower shelves as opposed to the higher ones. I would guess it's mostly generic stuff, so at least he's saving money.
it's all the crap foods they market to kids.
THATS SO +3 STILETTO DUDE
That's usually the best stuff then! Probably a lot of sugar. Was he kind of chubby and hyper?
He can never buy the good liquor! 
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
Attn: Customers:
This is not a flea market. We do not haggle here. If you don't want to pay the ticket price for that couch then you're not fucking getting it. End of story.
And no, we're not going to give you a 30-40% discount for that tiny scratch on the side of that dresser that nobody will ever notice except you since you probably put it there.
Stuff I remember from retail....
Attention Customers!
That coupon you've brought? The one with the expiration date of yesterday? You may not use it.
Attention Customers!
Please don't take twenty articles of clothing with you into the dressing room, try them all on, and leave them inside-out in a wad on the floor when you leave without buying anything. It makes me especially want to hurt you.
Attention Customers!
Please do not take a $60 shirt, walk around with it for five minutes and then, upon deciding you don't want it, leave it hanging on the nearest Clearance rack.
Attention Customers!
Picking up a $60 shirt and moving it to a 40%-Off Clearance rack does not magically make it $36.
Attention Customers!
You know those announcements that started at six-thirty saying that we close at seven? The ones that repeated every five minutes? The ones that culminated in "Attention Customers! We are now closed, Thank you for shopping with us today. Please join us tomorrow between the hours of ten a.m. and seven p.m."? See how I am counting my register? That armload of clothes you're walking to me with, you can just leave that anywhere, because I couldn't sell it to you if I wanted to. And I don't want to. No, there isn't another register open in a different department, because they - like me - have been standing here for nine hours, waiting to help all those customers who went to the trouble of making their purchases while we were actually open.
Um... I have more.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
To the people I check out:
We're not Wal-Mart. You can come up and swipe your card as many times as you want but it's not going to go through until after I ring up your items, tell you your total, and hit the CREDIT/DEBIT button. Only then can you swipe your card.
And to all the people who write checks for purchases under $10, go kill yourselves.
Attention customers!
Don't hand me a bunch of coupons and proceed to point out each item that has a coupon as I scan it. I do the coupons at the end. Everyone does them at the end. Chill the fuck out and let me do this shit, okay?
Thankfully, we don't accept ANY coupons at my store.
Honorable Hotel Guest:
Please be advised that hotels are not magical fairy kingdoms where things happen instantly and without effort. While I understand that it is now 8:07am and your room has not been cleaned yet, please take into consideration that we have 200 other rooms and 20 housekeepers.
Also, it has been brought to my attention that it has been more than 15 minutes since you placed your room service order of seven steak and lobsters, served well done. It took you 10 minutes to get from the lobby to your room, why do you think our wait staff can cook seven steaks and make it to your room in five additional minutes? Please be patient and allow them to strap on their rocket packs.
Finally, on behalf of the hotel, please allow me to apologize for our inconsiderate placement of your room assignment. We are fully aware that in the morning, the sun comes through your window. Due to the fact that we are located on planet Earth, once every 24 hours or so this occurs. We are unfortunately, not able to accommodate your request for a free week at our sister hotel in Maui because of this.
Warmest Regards,
Mckay Williams
Your Friendly Guest Services Manager
You know in all the years I've been here I've never been sigged?
Finally, on behalf of the hotel, please allow me to apologize for our inconsiderate placement of your room assignment. We are fully aware that in the morning, the sun comes through your window. Due to the fact that we are located on planet Earth, once every 24 hours or so this occurs.
This made me laugh.
And Tuffy's thing about closing time announcements is so bloody true.
Dear customer,
That joke, the one about the item being free because it has no price on it...yeah I've heard that before. IT WASN'T FUNNY THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT AND IT'S NOT BLOODY WELL FUNNY AFTER THE MILLIONTH TIME SO SHUT UP PLEASE. Thank you. Have a nice day.
I recall some weren't joking. "There's no price tag on this. It's mine now."
Did I mention this one (?):
Dear Moron/Asshole/Thief;
Yes, we have racks of clothes here. Yes, you may try them on before you buy them. No, you may not "trade" your old clothes for my new ones by putting on my merchandise and leaving yours on my racks.
This happened on roughly a weekly basis.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
On a related note, I hate it when a customer gives me an item that doesn't have a price tag on it (we use our own stickers so our scanners won't scan the barcodes on the actual item). They'll usually say "It's $3" and I'll usually have to suppress the urge to snap back at them "That doesn't help me." Even if they're right, it doesn't help because I can't just type in $3 in the computer. The fact that my customers usually grab the ONLY item in the bunch without a ticket on it is particularly frustrating.
Finally, on behalf of the hotel, please allow me to apologize for our inconsiderate placement of your room assignment. We are fully aware that in the morning, the sun comes through your window. Due to the fact that we are located on planet Earth, once every 24 hours or so this occurs. We are unfortunately, not able to accommodate your request for a free week at our sister hotel in Maui because of this.
Warmest Regards,
Mckay Williams
Your Friendly Guest Services Manager
You don't have curtains in your rooms? What kind of flea-bag hotel is this??
You should really be mad at the person who's job it is to affix the stickers. There's just no way to expect people that want to buy shit to know that they need to check all items for a store sticker or that the cashier can't ring it up if it's missing. I know this thread is for complaining, but how can something like that be a customers fault?
Finally, on behalf of the hotel, please allow me to apologize for our inconsiderate placement of your room assignment. We are fully aware that in the morning, the sun comes through your window. Due to the fact that we are located on planet Earth, once every 24 hours or so this occurs.
This made me laugh.
And Tuffy's thing about closing time announcements is so bloody true.
Dear customer,
That joke, the one about the item being free because it has no price on it...yeah I've heard that before. IT WASN'T FUNNY THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT AND IT'S NOT BLOODY WELL FUNNY AFTER THE MILLIONTH TIME SO SHUT UP PLEASE. Thank you. Have a nice day.
That's right up there with "Oh I guess I'll have to wash dishes." when presented with a large meal or drink bill.
The correct answer is:
"No, we already have a dishwasher, you will pay or be arrested."
I wish.
If I ever opened a restaurant that would be one of my "bonuses" for my dishwashers. If someone ever doesn't have enough to pay the bill they have to wash dishes and my dishwashers get a free meal.
They have to eat it in the kitchen though, so they can make fun of the people washing dishes the whole time.
Finally, on behalf of the hotel, please allow me to apologize for our inconsiderate placement of your room assignment. We are fully aware that in the morning, the sun comes through your window. Due to the fact that we are located on planet Earth, once every 24 hours or so this occurs. We are unfortunately, not able to accommodate your request for a free week at our sister hotel in Maui because of this.
Warmest Regards,
Mckay Williams
Your Friendly Guest Services Manager
You don't have curtains in your rooms? What kind of flea-bag hotel is this??
Oh no, we have them. They just aren't automatically closing.
You know in all the years I've been here I've never been sigged?
I've never worked retail, just many, many restaurants. I like it when people say, "I'll just have a water with some lemon." and then proceed to make a table top lemon aid sort of concoction by squeezing all of the lemon wedges into the water and then adding packs of sugar and stirring it all up. Then they ask for a cup of ice. Then they don't leave a tip.
This signature does not quote anything. Evar.
It ain't the employees who yank - inadvertently or not - the tags off of merchandise.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
... If restaurant customers could find a way of scratching the prices off of menus and trying to convince their servers that their meals cost some completely different amount, they would.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
It ain't the employees who yank - inadvertently or not - the tags off of merchandise.
Fair enough. I don't do stuff like that and I don't like getting attitude from cashiers if they have to do a price check on something.
I have been a shitty customer though, I once hid the last box of a table/chair lawn set so I could buy the the store display one that was already assembled.
Att: Cheapskate Fuckfaces
"If you don't have enough money to tip, you don't have enough money to eat. Fuck off and eat some funyuns instead. Or at least let us know beforehand that you don't plan to tip, so there is adequate time to rub one out onto your pizza before I get to your house. Thank you for your consideration." -Your Pizza Guy
Get on over to my website, young'un! www.subvertfromwithinrecords.blogspot.com
Oh, there's never an excuse for attitude from a cashiers. They're paid to be pleasant to a customer no matter how much of a great frothing bowl of cock the customer may be.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
Personally, I can't stand the overly cheerful cashiers. I feel very Put On The Spot when I'm just trying to conduct some simple business and and the inquiry goes beyond a polite hello. Especially when I just saw them get so intamate with the person in front of me and and I know the moment we are through they will tell me to have a nice day and abandon me to move on to the next in line.
Oh, there's never an excuse for attitude from a cashiers. They're paid to be pleasant to a customer no matter how much of a great frothing bowl of cock the customer may be.
Oh please, you know I don't agree with that.
The other thing I hate is customers that look to other customers for support when they're frustrated...you know huffing,sighing, rolling their eyes etc. and looking at others in line like we should acknowledge how miserable they are. I really have no idea. I just give them a long cool gaze and smile brightly at the cashier in solidarity instead.
Oh, there's never an excuse for attitude from a cashiers. They're paid to be pleasant to a customer no matter how much of a great frothing bowl of cock the customer may be.
Oh please, you know I don't agree with that.
I am 100% serious.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
...Explain this problem to me again using dead hookers as measurement.
“Now remember my three beginner’s tips for picking up chicks: Address her by name, isolate her from her friends, subtly put her down.”
I'd really appreciate it if all the people who come and ask me to check the price of something or to see if we have a certain piece of furniture in stock would just fucking stay put. Don't ask me to do something for you and run off to the other side of the store as soon as my back is turned. I am not going to play hide and seek with out for 10 minutes. If you're not where I left you, I'm going to assume you left and move on to the next customer.
And to all the people paying for purchases under $20 with $100 bills, go fuck yourselves. Especially if you took that hundred out of a giant roll of money that has tens and twenties in it. I'm not impressed and you're sucking up all my change.
Yeah I had a guy pay for a $3 package with a $100 yesterday. Ridiculous.
Giant rolls of money are stupid. I can't stand it if I look like I have more that $30 on me in cash. That said, I have been known to buy things like a lighter or a pack of gum with a $100 bill.
Ohhh, I hated that too, argh!
You are the devil.
I never minded... it made counting back the drawer much easier at the end of the night.
I've been out of retail a while so I remember the good times...
I worked at a pharmacy where, around the holidays, we received all the seasonal crap that smells like mold because the crate from China always leaked and nobody buys. So I had the bright idea of taking all the stuffed animals and arranging them in a variety of sex positions all around the stock room. Then, the following day, the district manager made a surprise visit.
I also worked in the gaming section at Media Play. Did you know that the game consoles--the ones that "customers" play for hours without ever intending to buy anything--had built in resets? Depending on the mood I was in, I could turn it off, set it for a half hour, five minutes, or one minute. The half hour days were fun: people would get pretty far into the game and then... They usually left so dejected. But the one minute days... People would get pissed. Every once in a while a manager would come over and I'd have to feign ignorance.
Then, while working at a supermarket, I was involved in a massive food fight between the dairy and grocery stock rooms.
But, in the spirit of this post, I always hated the customer who, upon entering the store, would seek me out and ask for help finding every last item on his/her grocery list. I don't mind helping but couldn't you find at least one thing yourself?
We had this woman come in yesterday. She bought a futon or bunk bed or something and said the tools (nuts, bolts, etc) weren't in the box and that we must have lost them or took them out even though the box was sealed shut, which means she was the one who lost them, not us.
She threw a tantrum until my boss diffused the situation by taking the parts out of another box. Before she left she was yelling about how her kids room is all messed up now and how it's late and how this is costing her gas money and how we're just basically ruining her life one inconvenience at a time. As she was leaving she said "But I guess you just don't care about that, DO YOU?"
And I said "Yep" and started laughing, but only after she was already out int he parking lot because I wanted to keep my job.
Overly dramatic customers like that just make my day.
To the pizza guy, I stopped tipping when my local pizza shacks started tacking on a $5.00 delivery fee.
I understand gas is high, but i routinely tipped good or speedy drivers 10-15 bucks and tipped the crappy guys a few bucks to cover gas.
I will also not go to restaurants where gratuity is automatically added.
I don't work as a server anymore but it still bothers me when people don't tip properly, especially if we had a nice waiter and I pick up the check followed by you offering to cover the tip and you short or stiff him.
That's classles.
To the people who don't order cakes ahead of time and come in expecting you to take a cake already decorated and redecorate to their standards...
NO I can not just slap a cake kit on the top and call it a day. No I can not scrape of the "ugly blue icing" and lastly NO I can not mark it down for you because you think it should be...
And please oh please... Don't tell me how to spell names like David or Joshua... I may work in a grocery store bakery but I'm not illiterate.
Thankyouverymuch.
That was my first and last job in retail.
The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.
Dear Customer:
I'm not ignoring you. I'm busy doing work for the other customers that came in ahead of you. You see that line you're standing in? Those people are ahead of you. Don't get pissed at me because you have to stand in a line. Try to conduct your business at a time other than lunch time, and maybe you won't have to wait.
What is your job? Ottoman sherpa?
THATS SO +3 STILETTO DUDE