Annoying Songs to Teach Your Kids (Or other peoples kids)

This is awesome--my five year old has been drawing pictures of severed animal heads in early preparation for halloween. I'm so going to teach her this song.

I have more. Plus there are several versions of that one. I was realizing that most of my annoying childhood songs are pretty grotesque.

Oh when I was a little kid I never liked to eat
Mama put things on my plate, I'd dump them on her feet
then one day she made this soup, I ate it all in bed
asked her what she put in it and this is what she said

OH, Chicken lips
and lizard hips
and alligator eyes
monkey legs
buzzard eggs
and salamander thighs
rabbit ears
and camel rears
and tasty toenail pies
stir it all together
it's Mama's soup surprise!

I went into the bathroom, and stood beside the sink
Said "I'm feeling slightly ill, I think I'd like a drink"
Mama said she'd just the thing, she'd get it in a wink
"It's full of lots of protein, and vitamins I think!"

OH, Chicken lips
and lizard hips
and alligator eyes
monkey legs
buzzard eggs
and salamander thighs
rabbit ears
and camel rears
and tasty toenail pies
stir it all together
it's Mama's soup surprise!

Don't you ever laugh as the corpse go by
for you may be the next to die
the wrap you in a big white sheet
and put you in a big black box
and cover you up with dirt and rocks

All goes well for about a week
but then your coffin begins to leak

The worms crawl in
The worms crawl out
They play Monopoly on your snout
A big green worm with rolling eyes
crawls into your stomach
and out your eyes

Your stomach turns a slimy green
and puss comes out like whipping cream
you spread it on a piece of bread
And That's
What
You
Eat
When
You
Are
DEAD!

Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht
Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht

Get up to bat, pants are feeling fat

Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht
Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht

Slide into first, pants are gonna burst

Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht
Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht

Go into second, pants are disconnected

Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht
Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht

Slide into third, out comes a turd

Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht
Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht

Slide into home, pants are full of foam

Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht
Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht

Opening)
Nigga this the fifth teeth muthafuckin time that I called and left yo ass messages
I dun text yo bitch ass and you aint responded to nothing
What the fuck is you doin who tha fuck you out there with you think I'm stupid my girls dun already put me up on yo ass tonight night nigga when you get home I got som news foe yo bitch ass

(Chorus 2times)
Why you coming home five in the mone
Somethings going on can I smell yo dick?
Don't play me like a fool cause dat ain't cool
So what you need to do is let me smell yo dick

(Hook 1)
It's four o'clock and I'm sleepin' and it's late night and you creeping you could've told me I'm leavin' now I know you out there cheatin' why you got to do me like dat when I call you don't call me back I'm texting you now nigga where you at that's fucked up why you do me like dat

(Verse 1)
I'm dead sleep and you trickin'
In the club wit dirty foot bitches
My gurl was there she witness
She had a camera phone she took pictures
You was on the dance flo grindin'
With a stripper hoe named Diamond
You was flossin' hard you was shinning
Everything she drink you buyin' it
Fuck nigga you need to stop lien' foe I get mad and pull out my nine
You want a new bitch to fuck that's fine but don't fuck hers and try to fuck mine
You keep tellin me you ain't touch her but some keep tellin me you dun fucked her and I ain't that bitch you want to play wit nigga drop them boxers let me smell yo dick

(Chours 2tyms)
Why you coming home five in the mone
Somethings going on can I smell yo dick?
Don't play me like a fool cause dat ain't cool
So what you need to do is let me smell yo dick

(Unknown)
Smell my dick wait a minute hold up see that's how a bitch get her eyes swoll up and I don't give a damn what yo homegurls seen when I was in the club what the fuck you mean they ain't got no business eyein' me like dat
You ain't got no business tryin' me like dat
I wun even feelin' Diamond like dat I was wildin' but I wasn't clowin' like dat
Dat's alright dat's okay gon head believe what yo homegurl say a nigga like me drink a lot of liquor meet a lot of bitchs take a lot of pictures
I might break bread wit one or two strippers but that don't mean you got to pull my zipper
Thinking I dick down the whole town even though I got dick to go around

(Chorus 2times)
Why you coming home five in the mone
Somethings going on can I smell yo dick?
Don't play me like a fool cause dat ain't cool
So what you need to do is let me smell yo dick.

HAHAHA....... my sister and I were trying desperately to remember the lyrics to that one last night, all we could remember was the Diarrhea tbbpht tbbpht (as you put it) and something to do with baseball.

I went to my sister's house recently and my little nephew came running in in a panic saying "the doggy's weiner is red,unkie Allen the doggy's weiner is red" Oh Gosh,it was funny. Anyway, kids are awesome I guess my song would be..

Beans Beans the musical fruit the more you eat the more you toot.
The more you toot the better you feel,so get ready for your next meal.

Joy to the world our teachers dead
We barbequed her head
What happened to her body?
We flushed it down the potty
and round and round it goes
and round and round it goes.

first time i seen her
sittin on a log
tryin to get it on
with an ole bullfrog

gonna tie my pecker 'round a tree, 'round a tree
gonna tie my pecker 'round a tree

second time i seen her
sittin on a hill
tryin to get it on
with Buffalo Bill

gonna tie my pecker 'round a tree, 'round tree
gonna tie my pecker 'round a tree

SUPAMAN DAT HO!

Yeah that happens now too! CHILDREN!

This thread is a perfect reminder of why I'd never let any of you babysit my brother or nephew.

bang bang Lulu
Lulu bang all day
who will bang my Lulu
when I am old and grey

rich girl uses cotex
poor girl uses rag
Lulu got a cunt so big
she uses burlap bag

Two irishmen, two irishmen
were digging in a ditch
one called the other one a dirty son of a
Murphy, Murphy
wonderful guy was he
went to his girlfriend's
to keep her company
she whooped him
she slapped him
she sat him on a rock
along came a bumblebee
and stung him on his
Cocktail, ginger ale
25 cents a glass
if you don't like it
then you can kiss my
Ask me no questions
I'll tell no lies
but if you get hit
with a bucket of SHIT
always close your eyes.

Dit is het eerste couplet
Ik heb een potje met vet
Al op de tafel gezet
Ik heb een potje, potje, potje, potje vet
Al op de tafel gezet

Dit is het tweede couplet
Ik heb een potje met vet
Al op de tafel gezet
Ik heb een potje, potje, potje, potje vet
Al op de tafel gezet

Etc. etc.

This could go on eternally. This is a kid's song that used to annoy the crap out of me. Thank god, haven't heard it in ages.

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves.

Me too!

gotta teach em the dance too.

Yes.

No wait. I win.

This is the song that never ends
yes it goes on and on my friends
some people started singing it
not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it
forever just because
this is the song that never ends
yes it goes on and on my friends
some people started singing it
not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that never ends
yes it goes on and on my friends.... et cetera, so on and so forth

I DID THAT ONE ALREADY.