"And so I kicked his ass!"

[url]http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7219&perpage=25&pagenumber=11[/url]

Alene is gonna be so proud of me, I read that ENTIRE thing.
Seriously, though, that story kicked ass. Told well, especially seeing as you said you wrote it fast.
Ripping someones eye out is pretty badass. Normally I would feel some remorse for the guy, if he was just a thief. But like, stabbing someone in the throat is a pretty low thing to do. He had it comin'.

Until reading that, I always thought you were that chick in your avatar(seriously). She seems pretty cool, though.

The chick who was in the avatar is the one named "Amanda" in the story.

Thing is (and this goes in the trial story), I didn't actually tear out his eye. In the hospital, the cop [i]told[/i] me I did, and I didn't find otherwise until the arraignment. I dunno if he was trying to make me feel better or if he actually thought this is what happened. It was out of the socket, but the muscles and nerves weren't detached - sorta like it was just hanging there.

Now go back and read the boat story. No fights, but you might find it funny.

Alrighty, but it's hard to find stuff in that huge thread.

I haven't truly kicked anyone's ass but my brothers. One time in Grade 8 I did threaten this guy who grabbed my friends ass though. He harrassed all the girls, and had begun to bother me and my friend. He grabbed her ass and I snapped. I grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against a wall. I whispered in his ear "You touch her again and I'll fucking kill you. I'll even get away with it too because I'm a girl and I'll claim you hit me first. Don't think I won't punch myself in the face either to make sure it's believable. "

He was so startled that I did this to him that he didn't even respond. He just stared at me with wide eyes and then ran away. He didn't bother us after that. Haha, sad but true.

I've never really been in one, but when I witness one they are exhilirating, just the raw emotion. Well, I guess I fought with my brother.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by DecoyRobot [/i]
[B"You touch her again and I'll fucking kill you. I'll even get away with it too because I'm a girl and I'll claim you hit me first. Don't think I won't punch myself in the face either to make sure it's believable. " [/B][/QUOTE]

:eek: Holy Mother of Mary and the baby Jesus!

Jesus hit me! Look at the brusing on my face! He's been abusing women for thousands of years... something must be done!

Ha, ha.

I can't really throw a punch, although I have socked myself in the head, and yeah, way before I saw Fight Club, and understood the subtext of such an act. beat on the brat

Punching is so fun and easy! You should try it. Practise on your bed, or I can send my brother over to you. He's 23 now but I'm sure you can take him.

Plus, you never know when punching will come in handy. Jesus might come after you too, so you need to be able to defend yourself.

Do verbal fights count?

No.

I was in some nasty fights, tellling about them would take an hour, time I don't have right now. So ya''ll have to wait, okay?

It's cool. But I have to stay up for like 30 hours today, so I'm going to need to read some fight stories to keep me going.

I've gotten into fights. One time, while me and some friends were at this guy Thomas' house, me and Thomas were sitting around while everyone else played video games. Me and Tommy just started punching each other for no reason. I forget who started it, but it was fun.

Me and him got into an actual fight half a year beforehand. He'd pin me, I'd fight back up and punch him a couple times, knee him in the chest or face, then he'd pin me again. It was a vicious cycle.

That story rocked. I'd never had a look at that emperor thread until then - it was too dauntingly long.

I'm wishing I could get a printed copy of it now, like Chuck's getting!

Grrr.

Send me $350, and I'll have one made for you.

Wow. People really love Chuck.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by DecoyRobot [/i]
[B]He grabbed her ass and I snapped. I grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against a wall. I whispered in his ear "You touch her again and I'll fucking kill you. I'll even get away with it too because I'm a girl and I'll claim you hit me first. Don't think I won't punch myself in the face either to make sure it's believable. "

He was so startled that I did this to him that he didn't even respond. He just stared at me with wide eyes and then ran away. He didn't bother us after that. Haha, sad but true. [/B][/QUOTE]

This happened to me, too, except it was my ass that got grabbed...but I didn't threaten the guy's life. I just gave him a good gut punch.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by fullmetalbrak [/i]
[B]This happened to me, too, except it was my ass that got grabbed...but I didn't threaten the guy's life. I just gave him a good gut punch. [/B][/QUOTE]

if that's all he got i need to give it a try

I've been and seen quite a few fights.

stories comming soon.

This just in: Chick fights are hot.

Stay tuned for more on this story as it develops.

I still think this thread has potential to become the greatest thread ever.
[QUOTE=Fino35]I've been and seen quite a few fights.

stories comming soon.[/QUOTE]
It's been a few months, dude. Story me!

I'll get the ball rolling.
Losses are always more entertaining, so I'll tell one of them(even though I only have 3):

My friend Ben and I were walking home from school, back in grade 7. These two guys were walking behind us, and they kept yelling stuff at Ben. The two of them were a few years older than us, and one of them(Patrick) was going out with a girl that my friend was entirely obsessed with. This caused some tention, and the guys kept calling Ben names and shit. We stopped walking, and they just walked by us, then Ben grabs a rock that was about the size of a baseball, and throws is at the back of Patrick's head. We started laughing, and then ran like hell.

We ran into a clinic, and then took the elevator upstairs to some guy's office. It was unoccupied at the time, so we just hung out in there for awhile. About ten minutes later, we went back downstairs and seen the two loafs hiding in the bushes outside. I told my friend to just leave anyway, cause they wouldn't do anything in front of all these people. Well, they did do something. As soon as I opened the door, one of them jumped out and grabbed me, I bent his fingers back and he started to squeel like a pig, then I smashed his head against the door and tried to run(I later found out that I broke his thumb, by the way). As soon as I took a step to run away, he grabbed me and put me in a headlock, then Ben booted him in the face and he fell. With one of them down, I figured we could take the other, so I started punching him in the face. I had him half beat, then I turned around and Ben and the other guy were both gone. Patrick, the one I was fighting, came at me, so I smacked him in the face again and he went down. About seven or eight Cambodians started running at me, and I tried to take off but they were too fast. They knocked me down and boot-fucked me for a few minutes, then let me go.

At this time, I was literally crawling away. They only booted me for a minute or two, but it was horrible. I kept trying to swing at them, but there were just too many kicks coming at me. Everytime I tried to stand up I'd get knocked down again and they would kick me harder to keep me down. When they let off, I started crawling away, then I heard Patrick yell, "I didn't get any kicks in!", and I thought, "Shit.."
He came up behind me, and I thought I'd try playing possum. As soon as he got near me, I stood up as fast as I could and jumped at him with a fist. I must have been dizzy or something, because I didn't even come close to hitting him. I fell back down, and he kneeled onto my chest, and gave me a few punches to the face.

I layed there for about 30 seconds or so, wondering what happend to Ben. I finally got to my feet, and started to walk home. Every few steps I'd fall and then have to crawl for a little bit. I walked for about four blocks, checking behind me every few seconds, and then I saw Patrick, the other guy, and some guy I didn't know coming after me, AGAIN.
There was no way I could take another beating, so I ran into an office. It was pretty much empty at the time, and it looked like they just got finished drywalling, and they were starting to paint. Just my luck: The entire building was empty. I went over to a ladder that had a tray of paint sitting on it, and I stood behind it. I grabbed a broomstick and unscrewed the paintroller that was attached to it, and I just stood there, planning to kick the ladder over on them if they came in, and then start smacking them with the broom handle. It was actually a good plan, cause when the ladder fell, a tray of paint would have went all over them. But, fortunatly, they didn't come in after me.

I still don't know what was up with that office, but I stayed in there for about an hour and none of the workers came in. And the door was unlocked.

What happened to Ben???

[QUOTE=Prensa Taladradora]What happened to Ben???[/QUOTE]
Oh, heh. He ran home, and one of the guys(the other, not Patrick) beat him up in front of his house, and then his mom came out yelling at him, so the guy took off.

THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING THREAD EVER.

If only you guys would tell some cool stories.

Yes, keep flogging the horse, maybe it'll come back to life and take its punishment like a man.

[QUOTE=Vendetta]Yes, keep flogging the horse, maybe it'll come back to life and take its punishment like a man.[/QUOTE]
Screw you, I'm never giving up on this thread.

[QUOTE=Fino35]I've been and seen quite a few fights.

stories comming soon.[/QUOTE]

Dude, we've been waiting for over a year...

I've been in a few fights. One of the better ones was when I was at this dance in high school. It was one of those stupid Winter, Snowflake, happy semi-formal bullshit things.

Well, there were these assholes that constantly teased this friend of mine. This friend of mine was smart as hell, but his speech was slow, stuttering, and drooling. I think he had some kind of stroke right when he was born. But beside the speech impairment, this kid was a fucking genius. He got his accounting degree in 3 and a half years.

Well, these assholes, they'd blow spit and stutter right in his face to make fun of him. And my friend was just trying to dance. He was just trying to have fun. And these fuck faces just surround him every once and awhile and throw a stutter at him. Because it must have been the "in thing" to make fun of people with disabilities that week.

I tell the one guy who was really laying into him to chill out. I tell him to shut his fucking mouth. And I walked away.

I went to hit on this girl, and things were going great, until that guy I called out came over to me and started busting my balls.
So, I said to the girl I was hitting on, "I'll be right back."
And I jumped up and hit on the guy that was busting my balls with my fist. It was a Little Mac from Mike Tyson's Punch Out star-punch style upper-cut.
I just snapped for some reason.
I was alternating lefts and rights.
"The Dance" by Garth Brooks was playing.
It was a slow dance.
I was waltzing all over this mother fucker with my knuckles.
I kneed him in the chest and he went down.
He tried to get back up and I came down on his ass, the way Charlie Murphy came down on Rick James' face on the bar counter. But with my fist.
There were barely any teachers around.
The few that were there, pretended like they didn't see anything because they hated that kid too.
So, two of the seniors had to pry me away.
And as the kid got up, bumped, bruised, and bloody lipped with braces, I gave him the finger.
Then my "stair case wit" kicked in and I spit in his face and said, "You're the retard."

I never got detention, or suspension. The cops were never involved. My friend that they made fun of, he never got bothered again. And to this day, I'm friends with them both.

Anybody else ever really punch someone really good and becomes friends with them later?

[QUOTE=fortune_wookie]
Anybody else ever really punch someone really good and becomes friends with them later?[/QUOTE]
I got into my first fight with this guy in Jr. High, we were in art class and he kept flicking water on me and I told him to stop, he did it again I told him I'd slap him if he did it one more time, so he did it and I slapped him good and hard, he then did it again I slapped him again this time I hit his ear pretty hard he then started coming at me but I had longer arms at the time and I held him off, the teacher came in and sent us to the principle's office. I was all red and flushed and once in the office I started crying the principle, and school laison officer kept being all oh you poor girl to me even though he never got a hit in, he ended up getting suspended for 3 days I got to sit out of 2 classes so I could calm down and when he came back from suspension his ear was still red. well he dissapeared from our school and then he ended up a party at my house a couple of years later, we hung out a few times after that, he kicked the ass of this really annoying baligerent drunk guy we knew which was awesome.

[QUOTE=mr_hash]I got into my first fight with this guy in Jr. High, we were in art class and he kept licking water on me[/QUOTE]

I would have given him a slap for that. Sorry, couldn't resist.

[QUOTE=mikandrewz]I would have given him a slap for that. Sorry, couldn't resist.[/QUOTE]
I'll give you a good smack across the back of the head.
he [B][I]F[/I]LICKED[/B] water on me.

i was in a movie theater watching Last Samurai. This guy and his girlfriend behind us would NOT shut up. They were talking on their cell phones and too each other really loudly. Twas very annoying. Some guy next to him politely asked him to be quiet. The guy just bitched and acted like a dickhead. My friend got pissed and told him to shut the fuck up. They started arguing and it turned into one of those "ill meet you in the parking lot things" im just sitting there thinking "will - this should be interesting"
Anyway, movie ends, as we are leaving i notice the asshole is gone. I figured hed run away scared. We see him out in the foyer and he and my friend do the whole chest thumping thing and we all walk outside. I figure this asshole has about two seconds before he goes down. He was a bit on the scrawny side and my friend, well, isn't. As we walk outside, I notice three more angry black guys walking towards us. Im just thinking "Well, FUCK!" they all lay into my friend and he falls on the ground. I punch one of them in the head and all three of them come after me. They just kind of take turns punching me in the face. The whole time im thinking, these guys are really weak cuz these punches just dont hurt much. The guy who started the whole thing was a total loser. He was trying to hit my friend, but looked about as pathetic as my little brother. My other friend, who is about the most unintimidating person in history, pushes him and he practically flies away. It was amusing. Then he runs off and is soon followed by his goons.

[QUOTE=fortune_wookie]I
Anybody else ever really punch someone really good and becomes friends with them later?[/QUOTE]

I tripped over this guys laptop power cord and totally fucked up the computer. He hated me for the longest time. He would bitch at me, id bitch back etc. Then one day, on a field trip, we were arguing and he was saying "i should punch you in the face" over and over. I just kept saying "then do it!" He did. It hurt like hell. Now we're best friends. Hes the guy who got attacked in the previous story.

Another time, when i was in like eighth or ninth grade, i went on this ski trip. There was this one jackass who always pissed me off. So i started saying "Im gonna punch you in the face if you dont fuck off." SO he said "do it" So i did. He ran off crying. We did NOT become friends after that.

I found out a long time ago that [URL=http://chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=15379&highlight=hero]fighting[/URL] is over-rated and unnecessary and even if there's a really good reason there's always better ways to go about things instead of indulging in our barbaric instincts.

thats a pretty brutal story. i always worry about stuff like that happening to me, i think im just paranoid though because i also get freaked out if i see a car parked near my house when i leave. If they leave at the same time, i become convinced im being followed. I dont know why.

[url=http://chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=13863&highlight=maul]BAM[/url]!!

(you have to scroll down a bit to find the good stuff. it's a little off topic, but i like to bring out the memories)