Actual Text Messages...
That's no lady.
"A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism." -Carl Sagan
"Am I cruel? Probably. Is she an idiot? Yes." -jane s.
Again, so confused.
Maybe the most famous drag queen evar.
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
At least in the states.
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
This is why we can't have nice things.
Yeah, must be a U.S thing. I ain't ever heard of her. Him? Whatever. Stealing my jokes. You get a cut. Or has he already been cut?
Shit, so confused.
Them: got your number off a wall, is it true what they say
Me: Your grammatical errors have infuriated me. I've no time for a comma-splicer. Ta-ta.
Turns out it was a joke. A bloody good one. That awkward moment when you rip on a friends grammar unwittingly. Ah, well.
Boyfriend:
It's the final countdown! The final countdown! (8)
Damn youuu!!
Hilarious, Matt.
Imke, smack your bf for me. That's not the song I wanted stuck in my head all day.
This is why we can't have nice things.
This was quite a while ago and reconstructed from memory.
Unknown number: I love u!
Me: I love you, too.
Unk. #: omg sorry
Me: I love you!
Me: I loooooooove youuuuuu!!!
Unk. #: god stop it
Me: Our love cannot be denied!
Unk. #: man fuk u
Me: I'm coming over! Want to make babies!
This is why we can't have nice things.
hahahaha
Him: I broke a toe.
Me: Aww, how?
Him: Playing football.
Me: Yes! For playing football, obviously.
Him: It still hurts though.
Me: I bet. I never broke anything.
Him: Only hearts.
Cheesiest talk ever.
I can't text on my phone.
I mean I can but it's time consuming.
I need a new phone.
My boyfriend and I never talk about anything real in our text messages. This is from this morning.
Him: good morning : )
Me: You motherfucker.
Him: WTF? Calm down!
Me: Calm down? You were supposed to meet me at the airport last night. I swallowed a pound of coke for FUCKING NOTHING.
Him: Baby, you knew how I was from the beginning. You can't be mad at me for being who I am.
Me: I forgive you. I forgot to put the stuff in condoms anyway... so long story short... I may be pregnant.
Him: Did... you have sex with someone else or just swallow a bunch of drugs and THEN have sex with someone else?
Me: I don't know?
Him: That's alright. When I wake up covered in white shit, I don't ask questions either. I just shower and apologize to the maid.
It started off as silly lies but our characters have really taken a downward spiral. We never talk about this when we meet and I'm becoming suspicious about that. I'm dating a very good actor. I'm also sort of losing track of which world is real. But hey, whatevs.
Consider the possibility that you have the wrong number stored and out there somewhere is a very unreliable Samoan druglord with a hankering for pancakes and steamy lovin'.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Either that, or you're in A Scanner Darkly.
This is why we can't have nice things.
That would liven up my summer, big time.
zack: so where are you today on your alaskan adventure?
me: I've ended up in the tiny, creepy russian town (read: commune) of Ninilchik. this is where everything goes to hide and die.
zack: if you find my virginity, would you send it back my way to visit?
me: I hid that elsewhere.
“if you want to be a bird,” you said once, “with colorful plumage and buoyant trills, you must also be ready for hollow bones."
Our love will fad away. Gone bu all into memory with the winds they blow the regrets in not trying harder it is to face these that I is to gust put on the saddle, or the ring, to push further. I can't standing the thought of seeing u a little whirl Of leaves.,..!?? Me and my little dog walking memory lane
This signature does not quote anything. Evar.
Sorry about this morning, I had to play DD last night unexplectedly for a friend and it turned into a nightmare. Hope to talk to you soon
"DD" has to be Dungeons & Dragons, right? Just want to know the name of the whore who's ruining my relationship.
Sorry about this morning, I had to play DD last night unexplectedly for a friend and it turned into a nightmare. Hope to talk to you soon
"DD" has to be Dungeons & Dragons, right? Just want to know the name of the whore who's ruining my relationship.
How about designated driver.
I hope you find that whore 
I hope you find that whore :)
*Gasp* How could she do this? I thought we were FRIENDS.
I have to buy twice as many eggs as I originally planned.
3:36 Him - Plane doors are closing... Ill call you if I land
3:38 Me - You won't have to
3:38 Me - I'm up... not going back to sleep
3:39 Me - I'll be there early
3:40 Me - and you'll probably live... there are sooooo many swimming pools on the way... you'll be fine
6:55 - ONE MISSED CALL
6:56 - ONE MISSED CALL
7:02 - ONE MISSED CALL
7:09 Him - Airplane broke up so I'm falling like 25,000 ft... hope you get back soon
7:15 Me - Still falling?
7:17 Him - ...............
7:35 Him - splat
I was on my way there. And the "splat" was sent when he was already in my car.
Drama queen.
18 minutes?! Pfft, it would only take around 40 seconds to fall from that height.
I went splat.
He broke the laws of physics out of spite.
It happens.
The fuck? I'm so confused by that lady.