I do too. It's not THAT complicated.

The key. (keeping it vague so not to spoil it for others)

Looking at pictures of me and two other friends

Friend who took the pictures: Look, I took great pics!
Me: What pics? I took these!
Friend: I took them, what the hell?
Me: No you didn't.
Friend: Then how come you're in all of them?
Me: >.< I'm sick, cut me some slack, I can't focus on anything.

Dad walks in room and falls asleep on my bed.

Me: Uhh dad, I wanna sleep now.
Dad, still mostly asleep: YOU KNOW THAT GIRL! FROM CHEERS?
Me: What?
Dad: I HATED THAT BITCH!

Which one?

That bitch

There are no beaches in Beaverton. Non at all. I am just stuck here at work.

I was feeling bad for you, thinking you lived in beaverton.

I used to live in Hillsboro, and before that Scappoose. That was something. Now I am in SE

the good funky part of SE or out on the gross edge? lol

I was stuck living on SE 82nd out near Clackamas for a couple of years. Ohh that sucked.

Oh I am in the nice area. A few blocks from Hawthorn and the river. Good bars, good people, and not to much traffic.

(Earlier this afternoon)
Child: *attitude*
Moi: OMG, dude, wtf!?* (*different words, same gist.)
C: I'm growing hair! In places!
M: This is not for me to hear!

Different female person, not related by blood this time: *naked*
Moi: Srsly?
DFPNRBB: *giggle* *does this... Thing... With her shoulders. So nice*
M: ...
M: you make this so....difficult.
DFP: So. Stop resisting?
M: No.

I want a gold star, damn it!

{GOLD FUCKING STAR FOR THA MAN!}

And Cue Laughter.

seriously though, she is just walking around naked at this point?

That is funny.

*jealous jealous jealous*

and yeah, it sucks so much here sometimes.

Run into Blazers and other types at the store, however.

I wouldnt even know a blazer if i ran into one of them. I just run into strange folks and people from differnt bands.

I don't know them either. I am just informed by my giggly husband and/or sons when it happens.

I think I'm supposed to be habituated or something.

Habituated to what?

The horrible horrible nakedness.

you poor thing

you need another star

That's what's called a high quality problem.

Was hanging out at the pool with a couple of guys and we decided to try out the hot tub. We're in there for a little while when the cute life guard who works there walks up.

Me- Hey, is their any way you can make this a little hotter?
Lifeguard- I don't control the temperature settings, just the jets.
Me- No, I meant do you want to join us.
Lifeguard- *makes a face, walks away*

I didn't plan that at all and thought it was kind of clever, but it did not work nonetheless.

That reminds me of this one time at work when I wanted to bump the AC down because it was stuffy.

Me: Hey Fred, are you hot?

Fred (50 something year old man who looked like Barney Rubble in the office next to mine): Well, Alecia, I'd like to think that I'm attractive.....

hehehe.

cashier: those avocados look strange
me: yes, because they're mangoes

hahahahahahaha

phone conversation, topic somehow on lighting cigarettes on the toaster...

Pep: [sarcastic something something]...pure ingenuity.

Sister-in-law: wait a minute, I thought you didn't have a toaster?

Pep: I have a toaster.

SIL: Oh yeah, that microwave thing mom gave you.

Pep: It's a toaster oven and your mom didn't give it to me.

Pep:...

Pep: how the fuck am I going to light a cigarette with a microwave?

SIL: shut up.

(later, same conversation)

SIL: I fell out of my loft again.

Pep: Again?

SIL: [Boyfriend] is going to get me a baby gate so it stops happening.

Pep: [Choking laughter.]

SIL: It's only when I'm sober! get a couple glasses of wine in me and I could do some ballerina shit off that ladder.

Pep: A baby gate.

Female Coworker: (The system we use) went away on me.
Me: Why? Did you tell it you wanted a committed relationship?
(another person laughs)
FC: Apparently.

Her: Would you like a drink?
Me: Yes i would.
Her: What do you want?
Me: Scotch on the rocks.
Her: Ha. Let me know when you get back. I'll have the rocks ready.

At the liquor store with a friend. She got carded because federal law.

Cashier: (examining ID) Hmmm....
Friend: It's me... I promise...
Cashier: The girl in this picture has braces.
Me: The girl in that picture needs braces.
Friend: If you look at the date... I must be 23 now because I was 19 there... late for braces I know but you see, when I was growing up, my parents were broke as shit and when I was 13 they said to me - Michelle... my name is Michelle... Michelle, do you want a human looking smile... or do you want your family to eat-
Cashier: Alright!

That reminds me of the time James got carded in the liquor store a few years back and happened to not have his ID on him.

He tried to reason with them a bit and then tried mentioning having a wife and kids, wasn't working, as they already asked they were required to reject him if he couldn't produce.

Finally, he looks at the cashier points up and says:

"If it helps, this is Bryan Adams on the radio."

They laughed and agreed he was most certainly of age and sold him the bottle.

With my 2 tones hair, when I had it, I got ID at ever place one. Then I just had to walk in, point at my head and they generally remembered. I always got the "You dont see hair like that last for more than a couple months."

My friend's 60-year-old mum got carded at the supermarket a year or two ago.

It's kind of the law. Doesn't matter how old you are. Most places nowadays don't let you do anything without ID

I don't know of any other 60-year-olds being carded. Maybe that happens in America, but it doesn't in rural England.

It's weird.

Texas is really bad because we have TABC, which is basically a bunch of armchair wannabe federal agents who think they're actually doing something by busting a few minors here and there. Everyone's afraid of TABC stings so they're strict as shit about IDs. I got so much crap when my ID was expired. Idiots.

Well nobody gets carded here.

You card a sixty-year-old when you want to be cute. That's about it.

I still get carded sometimes, but I kind of roll my eyes because come on. I never get carded on Sundays because I can't buy alcohol here on Sundays on account of the Baptists.

Apparently, here, if you're over 30, you don't need an ID. So I was over 30 when I was under 21.

The law can be stupid.

I have a baby face so my id is always at the ready. I have also not been let into bars because I wouldnt let them scan the back of it. They could read the dates, it was a valid ID but the barcode on the back had a sticker on it. Assholes.

The only time I got carded was when I was 19 and was entering the drum and bass stage at a music festival in Romania. I was with a 16-year-old guy whose ID they didn't ask, though.

i appreciate you a lot.

I used to work at Target. Common cashiers are literally not able to bypass the prompt on the register without swiping an ID. The register doesn't know how old you look. Stupid customers still give you shit for it though.

Oh me too. I've noticed though, through much painstaking field research, that the odds of getting carded are inversely proportional to the amount of clothing a person is wearing. Having facial hair also helps to avoid it. Ipso facto, this weekend I put a 6th grader in a mini skirt and a drawn on sharpie mustache. In this way, I will finally achieve my dream of tasting a beer.

I actually really only get carded when I go to the movies in Garland. That city has an 11 PM curfew for anyone who can't vote for president (under 18 year olds). And they don't fuck around. North Texas is straight serious about teenagers getting to bed at a reasonable hour.

Michelle would appreciate you back. Probably. I'm not a mind reader.

Is Annoyed By That.

I haven't seen that movie and neither has anyone my age or younger.

Which come to think of it... is probably why we allowed this to happen.

I wish I met you years ago. I'd've bought a banana hammock, which is ironic, cuz that's usually what you would wind up wearing coming out of the bar.

I know I look young, but only some bars card me. Strange. Buuut I do usually have facial hair and a really annoying amount of confidence walking up to the doormen.