Actual conversations...

Wait. That guy has a mirror. Cheater. This is closer.

God, why aren't condoms free? You'd think the government would throw them from blimps at sporting events.

Here you can order condoms for free online! Hooray for safe sex promotion. The site is probably mostly meant for teenagers, but hey, we're still pretty young.

Condoms are free at any Planned Parenthood. Whenever you need them, no questions asked except "how many do you need?".

You see, what I do is I go and write things like the post I deleted here and then I go and loan certain books by certain authors to certain people then I get paranoid that said people are suddenly going to show up and read these posts so I have to come back and delete these posts.

moi.. lolita: i want food from the harp (an irish pub in bucharest)
Fool: so go get some
moi.. lolita: dude, it's 11 pm. the fuck
Fool: never give up, never surrender
moi.. lolita: and i'm not going there anyway, remember?
moi.. lolita: but they have the best schnitzel
moi.. lolita: and apple pie. it's 5 cm thick and filled with yummy syrupy apple bits in syrup
moi.. lolita: and amazing stuff
moi.. lolita: and you can have it with ice cream
Fool: )
Fool: sounds like a taste orgasm
moi.. lolita: it is!
moi.. lolita: you idiot
Fool: y am I idiot?
moi.. lolita: cause we didn't go
Fool: heh

Sucker. We were supposed to go there on our first real date, I even bought a dress especially for the occasion. And then he left.
I've never been to that pub again.

First dates never go as planned. At least the last few ones I've been on. Anyone remember disco pants girl?

Yeah but we had no date at all. A meet and greet one, after he moved to Bucharest, the time I went with him to pay his bills and shop for headphones, the day I went to his place and didn't manage to fuck, my highschool prom, when he wanted to see my dress and we went to KFC before my party, and a couple more times when we were actually supposed to start dating: lunch uptown and Alice in Wonderland - the movie. In FOUR years.

Thats definitely a first date fail, then. Hehe.

Autistic Siblings Meeting Their Niece:

Me: Lucy, it's your Aunty Caitlin and Uncle Ben.
Sis: Don't call me Aunty.
Bro: Uncle Ben... that reminds me of Spiderman, and that rice dude.

After some chat...

Bro: Anyway, the baby is cute and all, but where is the cat?

James: You'll be happy to know I just found an anvil in the garage.

Pep: An anvil!? Why, I needed one of those!

James: mmmmmm

Pep: I'm not sure how I've made it up until now without one.

James: Yeah. Now all we need is a vice.

My brother was home for dinner last night for the first time in a few months.

Dad- Has anyone seen where my grocery lisp went?
Brother-Your what?
Dad- My list.
Brother- I thought you said lisp.
Me- I think I heard lisp as well, but he might of lisped 'list'.
Brother- He did lisp list.
Dad- The both of you, shut up.

Quality.

2nd Grade Girl: Are you in the first grade? You look small.
Other 2nd Grade Girl: No i'm in the 2nd grade. So that's the end of that conversation.

I can't remember posting this before, but for some reason I was thinking about it today even though it happened almost a year ago.

Me-I know you're gonna think this is really strange but I really don't like jazz.
Peter(Whom I was talking to)- Actually, I don't really either.
Brian- You're wrong.
Me- I didn't say it was bad, I just said I don't like it.
Brain- You are still wrong.

I'd think it was strange if you DID like jazz.

I don't think you drink (enough) for it.

I read that jazz conversation in family guy voices. You were different characters (I re read a couple times to make you be different ones)

You just keep coming up with ways we differ..

I like Jaz

Me and my friend in the park, today:

Me: Oh, so I see they've filled the lake.
Andreea: Yeah.
Me: I wanna goooo.
Andreea: With a boat?
Me: Yeah.
Andreea: Don't you see how sunny it is?
Me: I don't care! I'll even go on a hydrobicycle, I can't row.
Andreea: Uh, those gypsies are taking a bath in the lake over there.
Me: Well, no more boats for me then.

I am not racist.

Oh, I drink enough, just not the right things. I'm really don't like wine.

I did find some jazz I kind of like though, or at least npr says its new jazz.

I like that too. I wonder what Corellion would think of it though.

Really? I didn't know jazz was so popular with white east coast 20-something year olds that it's strange when they don't like it. I don't have much of an opinion on jazz. I liked it when I'd play it at school but I also don't go out of my way to listen to it.

I just realized that deep down... I miss him.

It's a weird feeling and I don't completely understand it. Like alien hand syndrome of the heart.

He was mean to me. I don't think he ever liked me.

Yeah, that guy was kind of an ass.

90% of me didn't like him. There was the 10% that did, soley because thats what percent of the time I could put up with him. He liked me a bit. Well, respected me, anyway.

I don't remember him.

He was a total crankypants.

I don't remember really disliking Cor, but he certainly didn't respect me. I always thought we were just way to different to be friends. He was always pissed about something though.

I'm pretty sure he made me cry once. Real tears!

But still.

Coworker: The guy we brought in was so disorientated.
Me: Disoriented.
Coworker: What?
Me: It's pronounced disoriented.
Coworker: No, it's disorientated. Just like masturbated. It's not masturbed.
Me: You're an idiot. Get out of my office.

You mad because you've been saying masturbed wrong?

Yes.

I keep saying *masturbed* with a bad fake French accent.

I think that makes it fancy.

It when you fap with a pinky up.

Hah. Coworkers...

Jess, you're not pretentious and white enough to enjoy Jazz.

Seriously though, it's more of an appreciation for me. Without it, there is no blues, no rock and roll, no rap, etc...

Edit: Oh yeah. Cor was an ass.

Jess seems so opposite to me, I would imagine her as just me with an evil goatee but I kind of already have a goatee.

You are now the blackest cultie.

No, no, that's me.

I appreciate it just fine.

Don't you see? You are the evil me.

Well. That's unfair. You're not evil. You just exist in a darker timeline. It's not your fault.

I mean, didn't you say you didn't like Community?

Hell no. I love Community! I was a fan of Donald Glover from way back when he led the comedy troupe Derrick Comedy.

Ohhh right, that was that other guy.

Me too! Let's bond over this video.

Have you seen Mystery Team? It is quite hilarious.

I think I did. I don't remember it very well though. Will have to check it out again.

I thought it sucked and I am a Donald Glover fan.

I was uncomfortable the entire time, kind of like a I was feeling the characters embarrassment for them, but I still thought it was funny. However, I haven't seen it again, and movies I really like I usually watch around 6-10 times.