Actual conversations...
Your kids are awesome!
It sorta blows my mind some days.
True enough. I was just saying shit. If he's gay, I wouldn't attempt to embarrass myself.
Do you girls seriously think that guy is attractive?
o.O
I know, right?
This is why we can't have nice things.
o.O
Seriously.
He looks like an anorexic pansy.
I'm really going to have to make that fictional attractiveness scale topic now.
I'm into that.
I'm really going to have to make that fictional attractiveness scale topic now.
He's hot. But I also like Clive Owen and Daniel Craig and they DON'T look like pansies.
I could take Clive Owen. He always looks like he's about to fall over.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
This made me LOL.
I agree that he's attractive, but my low self-esteem tells me that he's a conceited prick. And gay.
friend: hnng she's hot as fuck
*several minute break*
me: it's a dude
friend: WHAT NO THAT IS NOT A GUY
me: it's andrej pejic, androgynous male supermodel
friend: WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME A TRAP KNOWING WHAT I'D DO
me: some people just want to see the world burn
Ha, full of win. 
“The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
I liked that too.
Phone: RIIING! RIIING! RIIING!
Fiend: Geraldo.
Girl: Hello?
Fiend: Yeah. What?
Girl: What site do you go to to download songs?
Fiend: Go to Btjunkie.org. You need a program, though.
Girl: A program?
Fiend: Who is with you?
Girl: Rob, Kelly--
Fiend: Was anyone there born in the 90s?
Girl: Ummm. No.
Fiend: You're on your own.
Girl: Okay. Btjunkie? B as in boy, T as in Tom?
Fiend: B as in blowjob, T as in Titty, junkie as in what you used to be, before you got knocked up.
Fiend: Hello?
*click*
Random Guy My Roommate Was Buying Weed From: Whatchu got cookin' in here, ma?
Me: Um. Pizza.
RGMRWBWF: Oh shit. Is it like, homemade and shit?
Me: No.
RGMRWBWF: Ah shit, what kind is it though?
Me: I dunno, sicilian something-or-other.
RGMRWBWF: Damn girl, that sounds fancy as fuck.
Me: I think I hear my mom calling.
RGMRWBWF: Word, your mom is here?
Me: Nope! Bye!
Friend: What'd you do at the exam?
Me: It was ok, I finished it in half an hour. Like a boss.
Friend: Cool exam!
Me: But I always finish first! Nothing new.
Friend: Yeah, so you've told me. Something about being very sensitive.
Me: Haha. That too.
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:20): tell me
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:22): between
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:26): Insolence and Shalimar
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:28): by Guerlain
moi.. lolita (12.01.2012 20:18:36): i have no clue
moi.. lolita (12.01.2012 20:18:41): about any perfumes other than my own
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:43): find out for me
moi.. lolita (12.01.2012 20:18:48): and i have two exams tomorrow
moi.. lolita (12.01.2012 20:18:48): TWO
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:51): in your internety ways
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:51): !
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:54): fuckz that shitz
moi.. lolita (12.01.2012 20:18:55): so we're not having this conversation
moi.. lolita (12.01.2012 20:18:57): no
Fool (12.01.2012 20:18:57): you can awn them
moi.. lolita (12.01.2012 20:18:58): we're not
Fool (16.01.2012 21:45:18): So I heard you're revolting
Fool (19.01.2012 21:35:07): so I heard you guys are protesting about something
Fool (19.01.2012 21:35:08): BUZZ!
Fool (20.01.2012 15:38:20): why the fuck don't you talk to me?
Fool (25.01.2012 18:19:15): erm why the fuck don't you answer me anymore?
Last convo we had was him asking me what perfume to buy his girlfriend. You'd think he'd catch the hint.
Irina, I know you know this, but that guy sounds like a dick and you definitely deserve better!
Well I'm not talking to him anymore. And yes, I know, it's just residual feelings right now that need to fade away.
Me: Um. Pizza.
RGMRWBWF: Oh shit. Is it like, homemade and shit?
Me: No.
RGMRWBWF: Ah shit, what kind is it though?
Me: I dunno, sicilian something-or-other.
RGMRWBWF: Damn girl, that sounds fancy as fuck.
Me: I think I hear my mom calling.
RGMRWBWF: Word, your mom is here?
Me: Nope! Bye!
People talk like this outside of bad television?! I weep for the future of our language.
You know in all the years I've been here I've never been sigged?
My son has this Iron Man action figure and it has a lot of small parts that fall off. He brought the figure and the shoulder part that fell off and said this to me:
Jude: Fuckin' shoulder pad.
Me: What?!
Jude: ...
Me: What did you say?
Jude: I don't know.
He's three years old and he already knows how to avoid the issue. Smart kid.
"We're developing a new citizenry. One that will be very selective about cereals and automobiles, but won't be able to think."
— Rod Serling
"Chuck calls Noah fortnightly on his bakelite rotary phone and gives him publisher's insider information and stock tips."- Tuffy
Expectation -
Hot English Teacher: Hey. You should love me.
Me: Okay.
Hot English Teacher: *pelvic thrust*
Reality -
Hot English Teacher: Hey! I still have your poem! You should come by my office to talk about it sometime.
Me: Awesome! Yeah, I'll definitely do that.
Hot English Teacher: Mondays and Fridays. I hope to see you soon!
Me: Yeah, definitely. Take care!
Poor Shmuck: Hey Kim, this is Phil, you said to text you and we could hook up.
James: wrong number
PS: Are you sure?
PS: How do I know your name is Kim then?
James: I'm not Kim.
James: In fact I'm not even female.
James: Not that theres anything wrong with that.
PS: Oh my bad. I must of wrote the number down wrong.
Endless Mike was a mild-mannered insurance guy. Then one day he discovered that high amounts of alcohol caused him to turn into: SOCIAL MAN!!!
Enter: Social Man, and two friends (Friend and Friends Girl) to a party thrown by someone Social Man doesn't know. Group goes up to guy who owns the house standing around with Cute Girl.
Social Man: (no hesitation upon joining group) Hey guys thank you SO MUCH for coming! If you guys get thirsty there's some beer in the fridge. Enjoy yourselves!
Home Owner: Are you high, man?
Social Man: (deep inhale) No man, I'm high on Life. And yes, apparently it IS possible to smoke a cereal.
Friends Girl: I never eat cereal in public. It's just something that I've always done at home, in a private setting. Just seems so personal.
Social Man: (turns to Friends Girl, looks deep into her eyes) Well, maybe.. you just haven't found the right person to eat cereal with...
Cute Girl: You are the cutest guy here by far.
Social Man aka Cute Guy: Hey thanks. What's your name? etc etc....
Best texting exchange this week.
Crush: Can't get SOPA and PIPA passed? Join ACTA, and don't worry about pesky things like public transparency or even letting the people know what you're up to!
Me: Truer words have nev- The content you are trying to access has been declared a copyright violation and has been blocked.
Crush: LO-You are illegally using an acronym protected against intellectual property
theft by ACTA. Your 3G data plan will be cancelled without refund.
Me: And your children will be picked up from school and put in prison very shortly. Have a great day!
I miss text conversations.
I need to get a cell again.
Shawn Lorenzo York shared a link.
23 hours ago
Check out this video on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfdRpyfEmBE&feature=youtube_gdata_player
YouTube
www.youtube.com
Like · · Share
Mckay Really, Shawn? Milton Friedman was just a silly, silly man. Listen to the way we talks. "do-gooders", "no positive objective for minimum wage"? I think we just have different values.
21 hours ago · Like
Shawn I'm shocked that you don't see the pure logic and common sense here McKay. Really shocked. Socialism doesn't work. It never has and it never will. The only time we have ever experienced true prosperity was pre 1913.
21 hours ago · Like
Mckay I believe that a focus on individual wealth is nothing short of evil. It's as simple as that. You honestly believe that the only period of prosperity was pre-1913? Look at what happened in 1929 based upon that time of prosperity. The economy cannot sustain itself when the entirety of the wealth is in the hands of very few. To say that welfare programs and the minimum wage never helped anyone is a flat out lie, and ignorant thinking. I'm also shocked, that you as a man who's studied so much religion and philosophical thought can still think that the cause of the individual is greater than the whole. And if Socialism doesn't work, why does Canada have one of the most stable economies in the world? What basis do you have for socialism being an impossible dream?
21 hours ago · Like
Shawn Because socialism always inevitably becomes a totalitarian state. Socialism is diametrically opposed to freedom and individual liberty. The only difference between a welfare state and a totalitarian state is a matter of time - and documented by history. Power always corrupts - and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
21 hours ago · Like
Mckay I would argue that wealth creates power, and that disproportional amounts of wealth creates more opportunity to corrupt. You can, quite literally, buy elections with SuperPACs. There is no more individual power because of capitalism.
21 hours ago · Like
Shawn Capitalism is not to blame. Crony capitalism is. Crony capitalism is government sticking their nose into and propping up what used to be "free" markets. We have not had true free markets since 1913. Government is not the solution. It's the problem.
21 hours ago · Like
Mckay But you just said power corrupts absolutely. Do you not agree that money = power?
20 hours ago · Like
Josh Booo money is debt.. and debt is legal slavery 
I like what my dad said government is not the solution. It's the problem
17 hours ago · Like
Shawn k McKay: I'm not sure where you are going... Are you advocating abolishing money altogether? If so, well... I'll let you answer that first. In response to your question - yes. I believe that money does equal power. Power to live a lifestyle that matches the effort you exert - and power to control other people.
17 hours ago · Like
Mckay Sure, in a perfect Utopia that would never happen I'd love to see money be abolished for an exchange based economy. That'll never happen though, that's not what I'm arguing. What I'm arguing is that unregulated capitalism, by it's very nature, leads to unchecked greed. The idea that the amount of money you have is based upon the effort you exert is not true. There are far, far too many socio economic factors to think that's true. Do you really think that a child born to a crackhead in the ghetto is afforded the same opportunities for success that a child born into the Rockefellers has?
19 seconds ago · Like
Man, conservatives are silly.
You know in all the years I've been here I've never been sigged?
Such is life
That's a pretty retarded conversation all around, actually.
One conversation that really made me laugh even if it was about sad thing:
Friend: So when are you going to visit your girlfriend again? (as see live in other city - M.S.)
Me: Not too soon...
Friend: Why?
Me: Because we broke up.
Friend: ... Me and my big mouth!
Because there is nothing over the rainbow… - http://theunsunnyvalley.wordpress.com
Me: You know Westboro Baptist is in town, right?
Brother: Yeah i'm thinking about calling in to work.
Me: Funeral's at 3, you might have time.
2 minutes later...
Mom: NO.
Me: What instrument would you like to play?
Him: Piano, better guitar, drums
Him: pussy
Me: You're pretty good at that already.
Him: I try my best.
Me (not out loud): You are the best.
Overheard two black ladies talking / yelling at my work:
Lady#1: And then this bitch try to tell me she a homemaker! Like she be building fuckin houses and shit.
Lady#2: Some people think we gullible. Mother fucker try pull a sheet over my eyes I'll smack a bitch.
Lady#1: That's why I ask her why she lying.
(I wish I could make conversations like this up)
This was a few days ago. Andrea and Kristina are my sisters.
also, HAHAHA @ what Pete heard at work
Hehe, homemaker!
Alecia, that Andrea seems a bit dense, even if she does have a doctorate!
Politics are funny. Our goverment gave us tax cuts (particularly for the rich), but the cost of living has sky rocketed.
Actual Conversation:
Meowie: (scratching at our bedroom door) Meow! Meow!
Bloke: Pssst! Get out of it Meowie!
Meowie: Meow! Meow!
Me: You fed Meowie, eh?
Bloke: Yeah.
Meowie: Meow! Meow!
Me: Aw, he's lonely.
Bloke: Shall I open the door?
Meowie: Meow! Meow!
Me: ...Nah.
Wow.
If those weren't your sisters I'd have something to say about that conversation Alecia.
Dad: He's Eyetalian.
Fiend: ITalian.
Dad: What?
Fiend: It's Italian. Not Eyetalian.
Dad: Same difference.
Fiend: Except one sounds right and one sounds retarded.
Dad: I grew up in Hamilton. Everybody was Eyetalian.
Fiend: So?
Dad: You remember Tony? Everybody on my street was named Tony. They all had grapes in their backyards.
Your Dad reminds me of Brad Pitt's character in Inglorious Basterds. Does he have a mustache?
He and his seven brothers all have mustaches.
If those weren't your sisters I'd have something to say about that conversation Alecia.
Oh, I'm so sorry Alecia, I didn't see that they were your sisters! I hope I didn't offend you.
No! No worries at all!
(I love them both dearly, but I'm with Kristina on this whole topic)
If those weren't your sisters I'd have something to say about that conversation Alecia.
Oh, I'm so sorry Alecia, I didn't see that they were your sisters! I hope I didn't offend you.
She posted that because she wanted to show you they're stupid.
I don't think they're stupid, Alecia, I was just saying you do.
Phew!
Even better!
Overheard at Walgreens:
*Old Woman flags down store manager*
Old Woman: Are you the new store manager?
Store Manager: Yes ma'am.
Old Woman: Well I just wanted to let yo know that I can now shop here with a clean conscious now that [Name of politician or something] abolished Planned Parenthood and...
*Old Woman blathers on for about 2 minutes while the Store Manager, a young Indian-looking kid, just awkwardly nods and occasionally says "Mmhmm..."
A woman once told me that she refused to donate to help breast cancer awareness because Susan G. Komen supported abortions blah blah blah.
Aw...how sweet and who gives a fuck.
Just sayin' he'd much rather pour me a drink...
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
This is why we can't have nice things.