Actual conversations...
Haha but what time are you open!?
Giggle
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
In a mini cooper with another girl and a typical, young Texan guy who grew up in the country with an emotionally distant father figure and has all the self-consciousness about his own sexuality that comes with that.
Clearly Closeted: You know, everyone who sees me in this car thinks I'm gay.
Me: Even though you're with two girls?
Clearly Closeted: Believe me, that guy in the Silverado isn't assuming we're speeding towards Bangstown, population three
Girl: Only because he lacks imagination!
Me: Well actually, since he's alone in the back seat, it'd be more likely he's our little brother. Gay guys are usually fun enough to keep up front.
Girl: Oh. Well... since we're not related... looks like you ARE gay.
Clearly Closeted: ... I'm not fun???
You know what they say about assuming Jess.
Ever tried really asking him?
See, me calling him "clearly closeted" is a bad joke because... he isn't. His macho tendencies amuse me though. He isn't really bothered when we imply that maybe he would like to have sex with other guys. He DID become visibly agitated when I saw a girl in our class put a pink heart sticker on his notebook. That was pretty rude though and I would've been annoyed by it too.
Mike, you're backseat material too.
Actually ever since Rosa Parks, I'm pretty sure we are all allowed to choose where we would like to sit.
There are no civil rights in my car. Even Shotgun Calling is iffy.
I think she's old.
Little Old Lady 
: Hello, is this the police?
Me: Yes ma'am, how can I help you.
LOL: I need help. There is an alarm going on off in my house.
Me: What kinda alarm is it?
LOL: I'm old, so I'm not sure.
Me: Well is it a burglar alarm?
LOL: No, its like the smoke detector alarm, but its not the smoke alarm.
Me: OK, its not the smoke detecor, but it's like it?
LOL: Oh, I'm not sure. My husband and I are old and we were told to buy another detector for the gas.
Me: Oh, ok its the carbon monoxide detector. I'll send the fire department to check that for you.
LOL: I guess so. It's making an awful sound and I don't know if there's a gas leak or God knows what else.
Me: OK, ma'am, I'll have someone there to help you shortly.
LOL: If they can please hurry, I'm old!
Haha weird, LOL in parentheses turns into that smiley.
I know. Didn't keep me from reading all of that as...
I am going to try and post more of my phone conversations. I get a lot of thread worthy ones on a regular basis.
I got this text from my mom the other day
11:42am:Mama....plz water my panties...indoors and outdoors...plz 
11:43am:Planties....heheheee(embarrassed droid smiley)
If you ever kind of thought that you were adopted... you can forget it because that right there was more conclusive than a DNA test.
Frank, I encourage you to post more of these work conversations. 
Yeah there's no denying I'm my mother's daughter. It scares me each time I catch myself doing or saying something that my mother would. I just hope in the end that I never do some of the things she did. I don't want to be better than my mom cuz if that were the case I've already failed in many respects but I definitely want to do certain things differently.
Man, I keep throwing my personal shit out there this week.
Earlier on Messenger>
Me: i applied today
A: oh
A: and when u getting it?
Me: "soon"
Me: i don't know, i guess 3-4 weeks
Me: i'm hoping before christmas, but you never know
A: on the first day of christmas
A: warwick gave to me
A: REJECTED
A: -.-
A: but oxford called and said "we'll have you, bitch"
A: warwick gave to me
A: REJECTED
A: -.-
A: but oxford called and said "we'll have you, bitch"
This amuses me.
So this is me and one of my F-Book friends. She is a lyricist of sorts and it started out as me making a poem then her liking and commenting on it. So here it is.
Fae:
your words are harmless, you are not a starlet.
more like a harlet, you could never shine as bright as me.
not until, you open your mind, get on your grind, and do it the best you can in peace.
i'm on a roll, today.
i can't seem to stop this,
my words are bottomless,
you can rock the harness.
yeah.
you can't be me.
that's it.
LOL.
(Not Me)
Diabolical: Fae is that a challenge?
Diabolical: Spekter lol
Fae: if you can step to this.
Fae : under 2 minutes.
Diabolical:
Fae: type at least 10 lines.
Diabolical: OK. lol.
Anyways this goes on for a bit between these 2 the other person throws on some poem that makes no sense and doesn't really hit the challenge. They go back and forth for a bit then I chime in. I would put it all but I don't want a Wall O' Text.
Fae: sick word play is fun. but, that's not even the mode that i'm on.
Diabolical: I ♥ you fae. lol
Fae: so, as i reiterate: use your brain.
Zak: Oh snap oh snap, open up your mind to follow this crap, this rap attack, feasting on the minds of the weary, up in smoke like Dennis Leary, do I need a pry bar or a laser to sculpt the mind and educate this blazer.
Fae: this is love, it isn't hate.
Fae: ♥
Diabolical: well you said challenge.
Diabolical: as a rapper I go for the throat.
Fae: challenger! challenger! oh, he's a rapper.
Fae: -___-
Zak: I can't help myself....they're coming to take me away....away flambe off to somewhere where all I can do is crochet
Fae: just playing. your mind has been fucked. in all sorts of ways.
Fae: think about it.
Fae: ;) i'm out.
What can I say I was in a playful mood.
“The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
*Text*
Human: Whats up?
Fiend: Playing pool.
Human: With who?
Fiend: By myself.
Human: Where r u? Im bored
Fiend: I have to go, it's my shot.
Wednesday
FJR#218: Happytown Police.
Clueless: Hello, this is Karen with Secod Rate Office Supplies Inc can I speak to Supervisor Zeke Hile?
FJR#218: He won't be in until Monday, if you'd like, you can leave a message on his voicemail.
Clueless: No thanks I'll try getting a hold of him then.
Thursday
FJR#218: Happytown Police.
Clueless: Hello, this is Karen with Secod Rate Office Supplies Inc can I speak to Supervisor Zeke Hile?
FJR#218: He won't be in until Monday, if you'd like, you can leave a message on his voicemail.
Clueless: No thanks I'll try getting a hold of him then.
Friday
FJR#218: Happytown Police.
Clueless: Hello, this is Karen with Secod Rate Office Supplies Inc can I speak to Supervisor Zeke Hile?
FJR#218: He won't be in until Monday, if you'd like, you can leave a message on his voicemail.
Clueless: No thanks, I guess I'll have to wait until Monday to talk to him.
FJR#218: >:(
Hehe. Silly woman.
Do you really have a boss named Zeke Hile?
Does anyone EVER give him shit for that?
Edit: I was implying sieg heil, in case that wasn't clear and people were wondering why I was randomly putting a picture of hitler. LOL
I do not miss answering phones for businesses. People have no sense of phone etiquette.
Chris, no, that's not his real name. Let's just say that particular person is über proud of thier German ancestry. I'm glad someone caught it or at least mentioned it.
James (coming down to the bedroom): Well, I got all of the outside decorations down.
Pepper (closing youtube really quickly): ...oh.. yeah...
James: I guess at least one of us is awesome.
Pepper: Hey, I've got all the boobs in this family.
James: What's your point?
Pepper: You can't stay mad at me.
James: (laughing): Who says I am mad?
Pepper: Well, I'm just sayin'...
James: ...eh, I already touched them this year.
Context: So far today he has: Cleaned, dusted and mopped the livingroo, fed the kids breakfast and lunch and sent them off to play to gethem out of our hair, and taken down all of the outside christmas decorations.
While I have: Slept in, culted, youtubed and facebooked, taken a shower, gotten dressed, eaten cake.
Is that why you sexed him? Not that you need a reason.
And your day sounds fairly successful to me.
I sexed him because I wanted to, and because I don't believe in withholding over resentments, that will only create more resentments.
He did all of that stuff because that is just the way he is, likes to get thing done. It was nice that it was housework for once. It might have been housework because he was a bit of a jerk last night.
I just wanted to say sexed.
me too.
Haha. Blokes are so silly.
Bloke is slang for a guy. What's slang for a chick? Shiela, or is that Australian?
Sheila is more Aussie, but kiwis use it too.
I can't really think of anything else. I asked bloke and he said "Butch Bitch."
I don't think I can agree with that though.
Weedguy: Jesus Christ. What happened to your face?
Fiend: Got in a fight with my brother and my cousin.
Weedguy: No shit? Like, the ones you hang out with?
Fiend: Yeah. I was wasted. It's not even a blur, I just don't remember shit. I remember spraining my ankle, and then sometime later I guess I started pushing both of them and then I fell over and they bootfucked me.
Weedguy: Holy shit, man. You still talking with them?
Fiend: Yeah. They left me like this for a while and then came back, then we went to my brother's place and smoked a joint.
Weedguy: You guys talked it out?
Fiend: We didn't talk about it. We talked about everything else.
Weedguy: You didn't talk about it at all?
Fiend: We decided mom can't find out. We're gonna tell her I staggered into a telephone pole.
Might as well just say you walked into a door!
A couple of years ago my friend and I got in a drunken fight in my living room, over politics no less.
Messed each other up pretty bad. She still doesn't like to talk about it, too bad too, it would be a good laugh.
I've never got in a drunken fight. I must have been doing it wrong.
me: *sends link* what do you think of this model?
friend: hnng she's hot as fuck
*several minute break*
me: it's a dude
friend: WHAT NO THAT IS NOT A GUY
me: it's andrej pejic, androgynous male supermodel
friend: WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME A TRAP KNOWING WHAT I'D DO
me: some people just want to see the world burn
“if you want to be a bird,” you said once, “with colorful plumage and buoyant trills, you must also be ready for hollow bones."
Fiend: Got in a fight with my brother and my cousin.
Weedguy: No shit? Like, the ones you hang out with?
Fiend: Yeah. I was wasted. It's not even a blur, I just don't remember shit. I remember spraining my ankle, and then sometime later I guess I started pushing both of them and then I fell over and they bootfucked me.
Weedguy: Holy shit, man. You still talking with them?
Fiend: Yeah. They left me like this for a while and then came back, then we went to my brother's place and smoked a joint.
Weedguy: You guys talked it out?
Fiend: We didn't talk about it. We talked about everything else.
Weedguy: You didn't talk about it at all?
Fiend: We decided mom can't find out. We're gonna tell her I staggered into a telephone pole.
Before they stomped you, did you say to them, "You want a demon? I'm the devil. Let's dance."...? Ask them if you said that.
friend: hnng she's hot as fuck
*several minute break*
me: it's a dude
friend: WHAT NO THAT IS NOT A GUY
me: it's andrej pejic, androgynous male supermodel
friend: WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME A TRAP KNOWING WHAT I'D DO
me: some people just want to see the world burn
Pretty deceiving. I'm sticking to Yuri Pleskun, bad boy extraordinaire. But first and foremost, Jon Kortajarena.
He can pour me a drink anytime.
friend: hnng she's hot as fuck
*several minute break*
me: it's a dude
friend: WHAT NO THAT IS NOT A GUY
me: it's andrej pejic, androgynous male supermodel
friend: WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME A TRAP KNOWING WHAT I'D DO
me: some people just want to see the world burn
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
This is an ad for a pretty cheap Dutch store. How do you know it's a guy?
Google Andrej Pejic.
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
Zachariah (bringing me the ax): Mom, I decided that when the Zombies come this is going to be my weapon...
Liliauna (interrupting all super snotty: No! Because Dad can make us the best guns! Because he is a CARPENTER!
Zachariah: Yes, but until he gets them made.
My kids are planning for the Zombie Apocalypse.
He can pour me a drink anytime.
Gay as a three-dollar bill.
That's "as mitten-fluffing as a 10.27 Leu note" in your native tongue.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Your kids are awesome!
He can pour me a drink anytime.
Gay as a three-dollar bill.
That's "as mitten-fluffing as a 10.27 Leu note" in your native tongue.
As irrelevant as the fact that we don't speak the same language.
Oh he's spanish... NEVER MIND.
The different continent thing is a bigger road block. For me anyway. Irina lacks an excuse.
Hahaha. People are really stupid sometimes.