Actual conversations...

HEY, you're the one with second graders hitting on you!

Lawl.

It would have been emo if we actually had those feelings for each other. It was more like, we were making fun of people like that.

Unless she actually DOES feel that way. Oh wells. :lmao:

* my friend Tyler (who I don't consider a real friend because he stole my Zippo five or six years ago) and I are driving around in his station wagon*

Me: Do you think kids from this new generation are more sensible than we were?
Him: They're more sensitive, that's for sure. This kid at work started crying because the boss got mad at him.
Me: Yeah...okay, but do you think they're more sensible?
Him: Dude, they're a bunch of pussies.

[QUOTE=Nightrious;1050325]*me and my friend Tyler (who I don't consider a real friend because he stole my Zippo five or six years ago) driving around in his station wagon*

Me: Do you think kids from this new generation are more sensible than we were?
Him: They're more sensitive, that's for sure. This kid at work started crying because the boss got mad at him.
Me: Yeah...okay, but do you think they're more sensible?
Him: Dude, they're a bunch of pussies.[/QUOTE]
Stop associating with this douche nozzle.

Eh, I'm moving soon anyway. I only see him once every few months.

Right before you move away you should steal a zippo from him
That'll teach him!

Old Marine I work with, never been married.

Me: Do the girls on the second shift do anything besides make coffee and use the register?
Him: Why, is the cooler not stocked again?
Me: Yes.
Him: Remember, all women are cunts, except your mother.
Me: WTF!?

heres one from tonight

[B]Me[/B]- Im sorry, ma'am, but the show has already started and there is no late seating. Im going to have to ask you to wait until the next pause in about ten minutes
[B]Ma'am[/B]- What? I run a theatre company of 500 students and never have we started on time. Are you telling me youre not letting me in?
[B]Me[/B]- Unfortunatly. We're not allowed to open the doors once the house lights go down. It'll just be a few minutes.
[B]Ma'am[/B]- I was here at 730. I looked at my iPhone at 730 and you wouldnt let me in.
[B]Me[/B]- The show started at 730, ma'am. I cant let you in.
[B]Ma'am[/B]- This is rediculous. I got here at 730. There were no final calls. No one said anything. No shows ever start on time
[B]Me[/B]- We make final call five minutes before curtain goes up. We always start on time.
[B]Ma'am[/B]- Well it should say that on my ticket
[B]Me[/B]- It says the show will start at 730, if you like, you can go to the 2nd floor donor room and watch the show on the tv there. When the music stops we can let you in.
[B]Ma'am[/B]- I paid good money to see this
[B]Me-[/B] I understand. Im sorry. Theres nothing I can do.
[B]Ma'am[/B] storms off in a huff.

The fuck? You show up late and its my fault? There are signs everywhere that say no late seating. You pay good money and then show up late. Fuck you, lady. We run a respectable establishment here.

I have this conversation at least three times a week.

My grandma watching the news: What is CRACK cocaine? I know what cocaine is, what is crack cocaine?
My uncle: I guess it's the cheaper form of cocaine, it makes people more crazy and desperate, and is lower in cost so thats why (blah blah blah, goes off on a tangent about the amount of crack vs amount of coke vs jail time etc)

My grandma: oh. But what does it have to do with COLORED people?

that fucking bull dyke mirka slammred my access.

whaaaat!!!!!

[QUOTE=morey;1050349]that fucking bull dyke mirka slammred my access.[/QUOTE]

Watch your mouth. If you weren't talking about me just now, but a mod or another admin, I would have banned you right now.

EDIT: Because it is me, and you sent me a hat and I adore you, I'm letting it slide.

oh for gods sake i only did that cause i saw you were here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[QUOTE=morey;1050355]oh for gods sake i only did that cause i saw you were here!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/QUOTE]

How did you know I'm here!?

I'm in invisible mode because I'm having a torrid affair with happy hooker via PM.

(Be a sport, hooker )

you're ALWAYS here.

WAIT ARE THEY GUNNA MAKE IT SO I CANT CHAT???

i will die not fair

[QUOTE=mirka;1050360]How did you know I'm here!?

I'm in invisible mode because I'm having a torrid affair with happy hooker via PM.

(Be a sport, hooker )[/QUOTE]

i am sporty as shit.

also, you wouldn't be my first.

[QUOTE=happy_hooker;1050367]i am sporty as shit.

also, you wouldn't be my first.[/QUOTE]

You are so cool. I'm not vegetarian, but I was for a couple of years and if you're ever in the hood, I'll cook you something good.

[I]After reading Guts at my friend's suggestion....[/I]

Me: I don't think anyone could read that all the way through.
Friend: I know, right?
Me: I hate that fucker.
Friend: -laughs-
[I]A few moments later.....[/I]
Me: People would read that more intently than they read their Bibles.

So, does that mean you're staying for dessert? Or...

Girl: I thought about buying myself a pair, but mine are already cute. (her breast)
Me: Yeah, it isn't fair.
Girl: What implants?
Me: No, you being able to get away saying something like that. Its lame but yet you are allowed to get away with it.
Me: You won't see a guy calling his member cute. Thats all i'm trying to say.
Girl: ha!
Me: I mean, you won't see me dropping my pants and commenting on my bits by saying "Awwww.....look my nuts look like mistletoe!"
Girl: Oh god thats disgusting haha!
Me: I want a ferocious response from a girl, like profanity then followed with prayers in a different language. thats the kind a thing a guy is allowed to have.
Girl: haha..where the hell did this come from.
Me: .....i don't know, I've been a little off as of late.
Girl: A little?
Me: obviously, I'm still talking to you aren't I?
Girl: Jerk.
Me: haha.

[QUOTE=mirka;1050353]Watch your mouth. If you weren't talking about me just now, but a mod or another admin, I would have banned you right now.

EDIT: Because it is me, and you sent me a hat and I adore you, I'm letting it slide.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=morey;1050355]oh for gods sake i only did that cause i saw you were here!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=mirka;1050360]How did you know I'm here!?

I'm in invisible mode because I'm having a torrid affair with happy hooker via PM.

(Be a sport, hooker )[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot;1050362]you're ALWAYS here.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot;1050363]WAIT ARE THEY GUNNA MAKE IT SO I CANT CHAT???

i will die not fair[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=happy_hooker;1050367]i am sporty as shit.

also, you wouldn't be my first.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=mirka;1050375]You are so cool. I'm not vegetarian, but I was for a couple of years and if you're ever in the hood, I'll cook you something good.[/QUOTE]Mirky Mirk, I got your back, even if you didnt, i could only hang for so good!

[QUOTE=mirka;1050375]You are so cool. I'm not vegetarian, but I was for a couple of years and if you're ever in the hood, I'll cook you something good.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=UbikRex;1050400]Girl: I thought about buying myself a pair, but mine are already cute. (her breast)
Me: Yeah, it isn't fair.
Girl: What implants?
Me: No, you being able to get away saying something like that. Its lame but yet you are allowed to get away with it.
Me: You won't see a guy calling his member cute. Thats all i'm trying to say.
Girl: ha!
Me: I mean, you won't see me dropping my pants and commenting on my bits by saying "Awwww.....look my nuts look like mistletoe!"
Girl: Oh god thats disgusting haha!
Me: I want a ferocious response from a girl, like profanity then followed with prayers in a different language. thats the kind a thing a guy is allowed to have.
Girl: haha..where the hell did this come from.
Me: .....i don't know, I've been a little off as of late.
Girl: A little?
Me: obviously, I'm still talking to you aren't I?
Girl: Jerk.
Me: haha.[/QUOTE]

You're not hanging and Im so good. I feel so hungry and ur so good.!

Friend: Dude, check out my new ipod.
Me: Nice...wait. what's that engraved on the back below your name?
Friend: Number Five and a Bullet
Me: That a song?
Friend: Yeah, Taking Back Sunday
Me: What's it about?
Friend: I don't know
Me: Then what's the significance?
Friend: I like the song
Me: What does "Number Five and a Bullet" even mean?
Friend: I don't know
Me: So why did you get it lasered on there?
Friend: I like the song, okay?
Me: But you don't know anything about it. 10 bucks says it's about sex or drugs or something.
Friend: Fine

I go look up the song. It's about sex.

Me: dude. That song is about sex. And it's on the back of your ipod. You owe me 10 dollars. And I get to laugh at you. A lot.
Friend: STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, OK?!??!???!!!??
Me: *laughter*

Ha. You sound like me.

In a good way.

also tell him its Number Five [I]with[/I] a Bullet.

what a noob.

and if you accidentally wrote the title like that..
er..
carry on.

Me: Oh, hey.
Ana: Hi.
Me: I'm Paul.
Ana: I'm Chloe...
Me: I see you're... um, examining trees.
Ana: I am.
Me: Me too! I am a fan of trees.
Ana: I am also a fan of trees.
Me: Trees are fantastic.
Ana: I just love them. The... treeness of them.
Me: There's definitely some treeness there, for sure.
Ana: So, Paul, what do you do?
Me: I... Oh my, I'm ever so sorry, I'm simply unaccustomed to speaking with strangers.
Ana: As am I!
Me: I'm a tree-collector.
Ana: As am I!

I think I'll leave it out of context, so you may wonder what sort of sad people we are.

No! You must tell us what it's all about...the suspense is killing me!

Gggaallh! < That's the sound of me being killed.

[QUOTE=morning_alcoholic;1050628]also tell him its Number Five [I]with[/I] a Bullet.

what a noob.

and if you accidentally wrote the title like that..
er..
carry on.[/QUOTE]

hah! he even got the title wrong. I'll go tell him. This is classic.

[QUOTE=Smartazboy;1050488]You're not hanging and Im so good. I feel so hungry and ur so good.![/QUOTE]

You are rhyming responses at me. I feel so poetically aroused, but in the drunken can possibly be taken advantage of sorta way.

We have to do a devised piece of theatre for theatre studies. Instead of asking me for a good idea, they decided to travel down the excellent route of drug abuse. I said it sounded shit and my opinion was not appreciated, here's an excerpt from the discussion.

Me: I don't mean to offend any of you or anything, but don't you think this[COLOR=Red]*[/COLOR] is a bit cliché?
Cunt1: No!
Cunt2: Obviously you do mean to offend!
Me: I'm just saying, we're marked on originality. We could do with doing something better. A new theme.
Cunt3: Everything's been done before!
Me: Not to death though.
Cunt4: Erm... maybe the peer-pressure one should be a celebrity.
Me: Yeah, I'll ask Amy Winehouse to join in. <- [B]SARCASM[/B], Amy Winehouse costume now involved.
Cunt3: Yeah!
Me: Well are we to have a moral message about drugs?
Cunts in unison: Don't do them, hahahahahaha etc.
Me: But I mean, like, are we to place blame on the fiends for starting their own habits or are we going for sympathy or what?
Cunt4: Erm, I don't think we should go in to that much detail. We should look at the bigger picture.

At this point I gave up and just did nothing more for them. Idiots. I know this sounds arrogant and all, but if they'd all just shut the fuck up and do what I told them to do we'd be fine. Bah. I'm in a mood again. Party tomorrow.

[COLOR=red]*[/COLOR] A four-part short play showcasing four scenarios of people getting into drugs and the consquences of said scenarios are present in the last one where everyone's gathered for a coke-heads funeral. The scenarios, of people getting into drugs, feature such unrepeatable pieces of ingenuity as: Peer pressure, Rape (somehow this drives the character to coke.), something else shit and then Bereavement - the initial bereavement idea was sickeningly close to the one from Trainspotting, that all of them claim to have not seen except one who says it's okay to steal, and we should do so. As a quick suggestion I said to interlay the shorts together in a Crash/Pulp Fiction etc. kind of way. So that's going to happen as much as it can do in fifteen/ten minutes.

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot;1050348]My grandma watching the news: What is CRACK cocaine? I know what cocaine is, what is crack cocaine?
My uncle: I guess it's the cheaper form of cocaine, it makes people more crazy and desperate, and is lower in cost so thats why (blah blah blah, goes off on a tangent about the amount of crack vs amount of coke vs jail time etc)

My grandma: oh. But what does it have to do with COLORED people?[/QUOTE]

Ahahaha grandmas are awesome.

[QUOTE=corellion;1050735]

Me: I don't mean to offend any of you or anything, but don't you think this[COLOR=Red]*[/COLOR] is a bit cliché?
Cunt1: No!
Cunt2: Obviously you do mean to offend!
Me: I'm just saying, we're marked on originality. We could do with doing something better. A new theme.
Cunt3: Everything's been done before!
Me: Not to death though.
Cunt4: Erm... maybe the peer-pressure one should be a celebrity.
Me: Yeah, I'll ask Amy Winehouse to join in. <- [B]SARCASM[/B], Amy Winehouse costume now involved.
Cunt3: Yeah!
Me: Well are we to have a moral message about drugs?
Cunts in unison: Don't do them, hahahahahaha etc.
[B]Me: But I mean, like, are we to place blame on the fiends for starting their own habits or are we going for sympathy or what?
Cunt4: Erm, I don't think we should go in to that much detail. We should look at the bigger picture.
[/B]
[/QUOTE]

You should save that for a future script.. I immediately thought of [URL=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/]HEATHERS[/URL].

Also, my sympathies. What a drag dealing with idiots likethat for real. It's hysterical reading about it though. I bolded my favorite LOL-y moment.

[QUOTE=corellion;1050735]We have to do a devised piece of theatre for theatre studies. Instead of asking me for a good idea, they decided to travel down the excellent route of drug abuse. I said it sounded shit and my opinion was not appreciated, here's an excerpt from the discussion.

Me: I don't mean to offend any of you or anything, but don't you think this[COLOR=Red]*[/COLOR] is a bit cliché?
Cunt1: No!
Cunt2: Obviously you do mean to offend!
Me: I'm just saying, we're marked on originality. We could do with doing something better. A new theme.
Cunt3: Everything's been done before!
Me: Not to death though.
Cunt4: Erm... maybe the peer-pressure one should be a celebrity.
Me: Yeah, I'll ask Amy Winehouse to join in. <- [B]SARCASM[/B], Amy Winehouse costume now involved.
Cunt3: Yeah!
Me: Well are we to have a moral message about drugs?
Cunts in unison: Don't do them, hahahahahaha etc.
Me: But I mean, like, are we to place blame on the fiends for starting their own habits or are we going for sympathy or what?
Cunt4: Erm, I don't think we should go in to that much detail. We should look at the bigger picture.

At this point I gave up and just did nothing more for them. Idiots. I know this sounds arrogant and all, but if they'd all just shut the fuck up and do what I told them to do we'd be fine. Bah. I'm in a mood again. Party tomorrow.

[COLOR=red]*[/COLOR] A four-part short play showcasing four scenarios of people getting into drugs and the consquences of said scenarios are present in the last one where everyone's gathered for a coke-heads funeral. The scenarios, of people getting into drugs, feature such unrepeatable pieces of ingenuity as: Peer pressure, Rape (somehow this drives the character to coke.), something else shit and then Bereavement - the initial bereavement idea was sickeningly close to the one from Trainspotting, that all of them claim to have not seen except one who says it's okay to steal, and we should do so. As a quick suggestion I said to interlay the shorts together in a Crash/Pulp Fiction etc. kind of way. So that's going to happen as much as it can do in fifteen/ten minutes.[/QUOTE]
i did a little something like this in one of my drama classes. backstory: our first assignment in that class was to do a skit dealing with some sort of issuse, like drug abuse or teen pregnancy. so our teacher thought it should be our last project too just to show how much we'd grow. unlike your group though, my group all knew i was better than them and let me write all of our projects... so for our last skit, not wanting to be boring and just improve on my old skit we decided to write one including every teen problem we could. so we had drug use, teen pregnancy, driving under the influence, underaged drinking, suicide and i think one other... we had costume changes and some set changes... ours was like 20 min ... it was supposed to be like 5. to break between stories (as intros and for costume changes) we had news updates giving statistics and general talking... good times....

What are they suggesting the bigger picture of drugs is? That they are bad across the board always every minute and you shouldn't do them or look at them?

Hey, we used to do anti-drug sketches too. It was supposed to be serious, but you had the usual gang of kids who talked about drugs all the time going "Daaaaaaaaaaamn, pass da joint!" "Hahahahahaha!" "This shit is goooooooooooooooooooood."

When my group's turn came up we were all in a bitter mood because I'd been in Corellion's place arguing about the same sort of thing. I was supposed to be one of the characters who pressured the others into trying drugs. But halfway through the sketch someone whispered something to me like "Talk louder," so I started twitching on the floor and shrieking "AAAAAAAAAAAUGH OH MY GOD. I AM DYING. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT! LOOK AT ME! DEAD! ALL BECAUSE OF DRUGS! IF ONLY I'D SEEN THIS SKETCH BEFORE TRYING HEROIN."

That made me popular with everyone except my group. Figures.

[QUOTE=mirka;1050740]You should save that for a future script.. I immediately thought of [URL=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/]HEATHERS[/URL].

Also, my sympathies. What a drag dealing with idiots likethat for real. It's hysterical reading about it though. I bolded my favorite LOL-y moment.[/QUOTE]

You know where people hit their head against things in films and stuff. I never understood that until today. As if you need to reassure yourself your brain cells are dying at that alarming a rate, you know, you can still feel pain, still living.
Heathers looks interesting. I'll rent it out sometime.
Were you saying I should write down the transcript and save it for a script or the moral message about drugs?

[QUOTE=Mexicreatin;1050742]i did a little something like this in one of my drama classes. backstory: our first assignment in that class was to do a skit dealing with some sort of issuse, like drug abuse or teen pregnancy. so our teacher thought it should be our last project too just to show how much we'd grow. unlike your group though, my group all knew i was better than them and let me write all of our projects... so for our last skit, not wanting to be boring and just improve on my old skit we decided to write one including every teen problem we could. so we had drug use, teen pregnancy, driving under the influence, underaged drinking, suicide and i think one other... we had costume changes and some set changes... ours was like 20 min ... it was supposed to be like 5. to break between stories (as intros and for costume changes) we had news updates giving statistics and general talking... good times....[/QUOTE]

Rub it in a little more please. I wish that sort of thing would happen here, I'm not saying I'm the best in the world, but these people are going about the whole thing like half-legged retards and I just want to do a good job instead of a shitty one. This is a mock for our actual exam, when it comes to that I'm just going to tell people to do the fuck as they're told and shut up or fuck off and be really arsey and whingey about it, because they looked at me as if I just asked their grandmother how her cunt was hanging!

[QUOTE=jane s.;1050743]What are they suggesting the bigger picture of drugs is? That they are bad across the board always every minute and you shouldn't do them or look at them?[/QUOTE]I think that's it. It's some stupid fucking shit. I might be able to pinch away and sort of make it a good thing if I get to "type up" the script, and I'm able to turn it into a bit of a parody, which will go over well with their sub-standard acting. But I dunno. Mostly I'm in a mood, so don't take me too seriously. Just a shitty day in all.

[QUOTE=corellion;1050783]
Were you saying I should write down the transcript and save it for a script or the moral message about drugs?
.[/QUOTE]

I meant save the transcript in case you ever right a write a film like Heathers, Dazed and Confused, River's Edge etc.

I think you would LOVE [I]Heathers[/I].

[QUOTE=mirka;1050787]I meant save the transcript in case you ever right a write a film like Heathers, Dazed and Confused, River's Edge etc.

I think you would LOVE [I]Heathers[/I].[/QUOTE]
I agree with her, I'm sure it's your kind of movie.

[QUOTE=corellion;1050783]Rub it in a little more please. I wish that sort of thing would happen here, I'm not saying I'm the best in the world, but these people are going about the whole thing like half-legged retards and I just want to do a good job instead of a shitty one. This is a mock for our actual exam, when it comes to that I'm just going to tell people to do the fuck as they're told and shut up or fuck off and be really arsey and whingey about it, because they looked at me as if I just asked their grandmother how her cunt was hanging![/QUOTE]

Yeah... luckily I had a bunch of terribly quiet people who knew nothing... I let them have input on like the first skit. then I took control and wrote parts to they're personalities so they wouldn’t even have to act in anyway... they basically had to stand up and talk the way they normally did... after a while I changed into a better group with people who could actually project and still wrote everything. But I’m really awesome at it so people tend to recognize the talent... also, I would say I’d write everything during the brainstorming time, and then offer to type it up at home and just write whatever I wanted and kinda graze by topic discussed so they could feel like they had impute…

DUDE AT BAR: Yo man we need to talk.
Me: Do I know you?
DUDE: No, but I know that you were on a blind date the other night with Kitty.
ME: Yes.
DUDE. I also know that you've been dating Jodi for about 8 months.
ME: Jodi who?
DUDE: Hey man, I'm not fucking stupid.
ME: Then you can understand my confusion.
DUDE: We're a tight circle. You're not just gonna come in here and be the big player and start screwing all my friends. I wish I would've known you were cheating on Jodi with Kitty. I would've fought you right there.
ME: I wouldn't recommend that. If the Jodi you're talking about has dark, curly hair and is standing right over there, you must have been misinformed. I've never dated that chick. Though we did fuck a couple times when I first moved here.
DUDE: She just told me that ya'll have been seeing each other since you moved here. These are my little sisters man. I'm not fucking stupid.
ME: You have to stop saying that. I'm not implying that you're stupid and when you keep repeating it sou sound like you're trying to convince yourself. Listen dude, I haven't seen that girl in months. Apparently she's bitter that I slept with Kitty so she's trying to stir up some drama. For her to say that we've been seeing each other is pathetic. We can go confront her right now and embarrass her in front of your little tight circle, which by the way I'm all for.
DUDE: Nah man. You just need to stick to one girl at a time.
ME: Are you giving me rules?
DUDE: I'm giving you a warning.
ME: You're giving me the impression that you're stuck in the friend zone with all these chicks and none of them will fuck you so you play the big brother role in hopes that one day you'll get some sympathy pussy. That about right?
DUDE: Watch your back man. [I]*walks away*[/I]
ME: Will do.

Douchbag.

[youtube]hwJ9wSoz6lY[/youtube]

[QUOTE=morey;1050830][youtube]hwJ9wSoz6lY[/youtube][/QUOTE]

:headbang:

I just saw a porn clip advertised as: "Starving mother fucks to save children." and rofld.

I just saw a porn clip of a chick fingerbanging her cervix. I <3 porn.

I love it for the comedic value.

Except the ones I have of your mother. Those have other uses.

[QUOTE=xec8;1050630]Me: Oh, hey.
Ana: Hi.
Me: I'm Paul.
Ana: I'm Chloe...
Me: I see you're... um, examining trees.
Ana: I am.
Me: Me too! I am a fan of trees.
Ana: I am also a fan of trees.
Me: Trees are fantastic.
Ana: I just love them. The... treeness of them.
Me: There's definitely some treeness there, for sure.
Ana: So, Paul, what do you do?
Me: I... Oh my, I'm ever so sorry, I'm simply unaccustomed to speaking with strangers.
Ana: As am I!
Me: I'm a tree-collector.
Ana: As am I!

I think I'll leave it out of context, so you may wonder what sort of sad people we are.[/QUOTE]
So... her name was Chloe? Or Ana..
or both? and neither.

I'm fairly certain they were just goofing around.

ROLEPLAY = FOREPLAY. WOOO!!!

(That should be a bumper sticker. Minus the "wooo" part. And the bear. Lawls 4 cheesy references.)

well if thats the case...
whatever

i have to clean my keyboard

[QUOTE=TheJudasCow;1050963]So... her name was Chloe? Or Ana..
or both? and neither.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, we were goofing around. We'd been walking together for a couple hours and just broke into this routine all of a sudden. It was odd.

[QUOTE=morey;1050830][youtube]hwJ9wSoz6lY[/youtube][/QUOTE]

The narrator sounded a little nit like Rod Sterrling