5 AM on a Sunday morning, and I'm wide awake with the glory of victory.
So two days ago, I was waiting for the bus, and in an instance of pure, utmost stupidity, I opened my wallet upside down (I had it out to get my metrocard), and twenty bucks fell out, down into a sewer grate. It kind of felt like when you go in to kiss a girl (or guy, whatever, jeez) and ya fucking miss and slobber a wet one on their nose. And not with a person whom you've been dating for a while and in which case that'd be considered "cute." No. This felt like fucking up a first kiss and then beating your head against a wall because you're an idiot.
So, I spent the past two days in an agonizing stump, wondering how I possibly could have let this happen. Surely, this was God himself punishing me and mocking me for all those times I jerked off to that really hot nun at church (C'MON, GOD, I WAS THIRTEEN!!!), or for the countless other retarded things I've done. And yes, I know it was just twenty bucks, and if I had simply misplaced it somehow or just lost it in a way where it wasn't so blatantly obvious that I was being smitten, I'd be fine with that. I'd shrug it off, and life would go on.
But no, this was cruel and unusual.
And then, not more than an hour ago, I was laying awake in bed, thinking about something of little importance, and the idea just comes to me. It was seriously a moment of pure, sheer genius.
I was going to get the twenty bucks back.
So I spent the better part of two minutes wondering when I should do it, and before I quite realized what I was doing, I had a shirt on, and I was working on putting on my pants (always a strenuous process). So I looked around my room, grabbed a yard stick, a roll of duct tape, a razor, and a flashlight, my coat, and left my house. Fifteen minutes later, I was standing five feet away from the grate, smoking a cigarette, and just staring at it.
Because this... oh man, this was what they call "the moment of truth."
I sat down on top of the grate, shone my flashlight down. It was there, the twenty dollar bill, covered by a bit of leaves. It hadn't rained or snowed since I dropped the money, so that wasn't an issue. I unrolled a bit of the tape, folded it so that it was now sticky on both sides, and stuck it to the yard stick. Lowering it into the grate was perhaps the most nerve wrecking part, because it just BARELY reached, and if I were to drop it, that would have been the end, as I only had one yard stick.
It worked. It fucking worked. The twenty bucks stuck to the other side of the tape, and I pulled it out... only to have it fall back down at the last second because the currency was bigger than the hole. I did it again, this time, raising it all the way to the hole, then, as steadily as I could, reaching my arm in and around and grabbing that fucker. It was like winning the lottery, seriously. The walk home was perhaps the happiest fifteen minutes in the past two years. I had won.
So, that said (and said, and said... I know, I rant a long rant), who else has a moment of pure brilliance followed by victory at having defeated what life has thrown at ya? I'm sure someone's gotta know how I've been feeling for the past hour. And if you don't, I highly recommend this. It honestly just made my day...