(what's gonna happen?)first post

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Saint Disturbing
Joined: 05/20/2006
User offline. Last seen 6 years 24 weeks ago.

(what’s gonna happen?) November 2, 2006

I walked up to her,

She waited with a smile
I had flowers behind me
She had been waiting a while
And I couldn’t see

She had something in her hands
Her feet were deep in the sand
I brought out my hand,

She smiled,

And as I leaned in,
Her left hand rushed in

Right into my chest,

Her nails were now inches long
Her grip was strong

She kept smiling
Giggling

I was dripping blood from my mouth
Like a faucet,
She tore my heart out

I looked up,
And she hadn’t stopped

She was holding it with both hands
Blood dripped in the sand

She was…blushing
My chest was wide open
Blood gushing

She looked at me
Licking her fingers,
Now I could see

She tore my heart in half
I couldn’t move
She took one half, put it back in my chest
The other half she put under her breast

She said “I Love you”

And I woke up, and there she was whispering I Love you

“wake up baby”,

I was on my back, sweating, she was scratching my chest

Written by: Frank Hannen-Pantaleon

StampedForehead
StampedForehead's picture
From: 3rd Ring
Joined: 12/22/2006
User offline. Last seen 5 years 27 weeks ago.

i do not like to read on the computer screen.

this is a nice poem, i like the imagery

however, (please don't be offended) i think it could use some depth
the metaphors are a bit used

but i like the approach!

sphinxvc
sphinxvc's picture
Joined: 12/03/2006
User offline. Last seen 5 years 9 weeks ago.

Okay, if "What's gonna happen" is the title, it's filthy.

The rest of the writing: Shrug.

Which is not meant to be discouraging.