Silent Night (all is right)

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Krimson
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Joined: 07/18/2009
User offline. Last seen 2 years 42 weeks ago.

December 24th

The Riley family had lived in their new home for only four weeks. They had tried to get it ready for Christmas and with a lot of hard work and help from family and friends it looked as though they had finally succeeded.
Jack had liked the new house since the first day he saw it. Karen had needed to be convinced; she like it but wondered if they could afford it. She liked the fact they where closer to family and the area had fantastic local schools.
Her twin boys Tom and Steven thought the garden was fantastic, their new playground!. Much better than the concrete yard they once had. After much persuasion from her husband and eight year old sons, Karen gave in and moved into the house on Park-field Drive on November 26th


The man was watching. He didn't move, You couldn't hear him breath. He was watching, watching and waiting

Karen woke up first, she wanted to go to the toilet. She put on her night dress and opened the bedroom door. She stopped and gasped, it was happening again. That awful smell that was all to similar, the chill that felt like ice running down her spine, She could sense evil, someone was there. Then it was gone.
She ran back to her bed, the toilet would have to wait until Jack got up. It was 6.30am, Christmas Eve and she had lots of shopping still to do, but all she wanted to do was get out of that house. She was petrified.

The Christmas Tree looked great, the twins where excited, they knew this was going to be the best Christmas ever.Jack sat back in his chair, the look on his face said it all, Karen put her arm around him and said "Its going to be ok" but she knew different. It was exactly one year ago since Jack had knocked down the drunken idiot who had run out straight of the car. Witnesses had testified that it wasn't Jacks fault; there was nothing he could do. Nobody saw him laughing on his mobile with his wife. Jack could still see the strange little man. The ugly, crazy freak dressed as Father Christmas, lying dead, blood dripping from his nose. Jack hated him. Yes, this horrible freak had ruined Jacks Christmas last year, but deep down he knew, this year would be different.


The man was watching. He didn't move, you couldn't hear him breath. He was just watching and waiting.
The grin covered his face it was nearly, Play time

December 25th

2.00am. Karen woke up screaming, she was being held down, her body fighting hard to free herself from the invisible force, taking over her body. Jack awoke and saw her, her frantic screams and body lying ridged. He put his hands over her mouth to silence her. At this moment his face changed into the ugly freak, blood dripping from his nose onto her chest.
Karen didn't suffer much; the pain of her heart giving in only lasted a few seconds. What she had witnessed was to much for her. Petrified, she had been scared to death. Before Jack could go back to sleep he had one more little job.
He unwrapped the fishing knife his sons had bought him, and Calmly sliced both their throats, shame, nice lads. Feeling satisfied, he fell back into a deep sleep.

The man grinned. How he'd enjoyed that. Yes, the freak had ruined Christmas again. "Merry Christmas Jack" he whispered "Santa's been and he's delivered"

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Ritt
Fireous passion
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From: The rabbit hole
Joined: 07/07/2007
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Huuh...

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Krimson
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Joined: 07/18/2009
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What do you guys think?

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"Be sure your sins will find you out!"
Numbers 32:23

monkeywright
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nathaniel parker
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big S
It's one thing you should know about me.
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From: TX
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i don't get it, too sporadic.

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Ricky wrote:
"Tripped 'em up with a hockey stick, no big deal, and fired a few shots at them. The way I see it I bought the bikes, I own 'em. Just like owning a target. You shoot at that, I shot at the bikes. Then Julian's got this attitude and fires a bullet at my brand new car! Real nice! So I fired a shot at his new car. Spy for a spy, that's the way it works around here."
brandon.tietz
enemigo de arco
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From: #2 Pershing Sq.
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Join the workshop if you want people to give your work a real critique...it won't happen here.

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HUNTERCARSON
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Joined: 10/12/2008
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HEY MAN I REALLY EJOYED THAT. the writing iself was excellent - YOU HAVE THE TALENT - JUST NEED TO STRETCH IT OUT - U DONT NEED TO CHANGE THE JIST OF THE STORY AT ALL - I KNOW ITS A FUCKER HAVING TO ADD MORE AND MAKE IT BETTER BUT THE DEC 25TH PART COULD JUST BE A BIT LONGER -ITS WHERE THE DRAMA REALLY UNFOLDS - YOU SEEM TO HAVE WRAPPED IT UP TOO QUICKLY. ID LIKE TO READ MORE OF IT - THOUGH YOU DEF HAVE ESTABLISHED YOUR OWN VOICE ON THE PIECE. WELL DONE.
HOPE THAT HELPS.

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Krimson
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Joined: 07/18/2009
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Thanks

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"Be sure your sins will find you out!"
Numbers 32:23

QCR
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From: Murfreesboro, TN
Joined: 06/25/2009
User offline. Last seen 2 years 36 weeks ago.

plenty of typos. no substance.

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