Piece of writing
This is a piece of writing I wrote, kinda an opening to a short story, in a Fight Club-esque manner.
Be wary, the concept for it is totally different, I just happened to write it like this because it was the best way to start for me.
I know it's not in proper format, and that's because I'm a dumbass and wrote it on the facebook thing, which means I can't use tab, so I just wrote it how I usually write things on a facebook note. It's also an abridged version of what I want it to be. I chopped a bit off, just to give to the gist of what I'm doing.
I'm looking for tons of criticism, creative or not, because my friends are apparently not able to do so. They just give me half-assed comments on whatever...
My main concerns are the wordings right now, rather than the concepts.
I feel they're a bit dry as is, and would like help of sorts specifically on that.
But yeah, here you go, my writing in it's glory;
[FONT="Times New Roman"]"You can say I know a bit about statistics,
It's hard not to when you're someone like me.
For example, off the top of my head I can think of a few that may interest you:
That's the number of billionaires alive and kicking today.
14 780 000.
That's the amount of money I make in dollars each year.
That's the rough employee count for our corporation.
That's how many bullets are about to enter my frontal lobe."[/FONT]
My ideas for now are to add more statistics or facts, in the style of those there, as well as making the dialogue run a bit smoother in the opening sentance, and everything a fair bit longer.
Edit: Because of the style I used (temportarily) I made the actual chunck a different font.
Seeing as some people couldn't tell...