Narration question

hmm couple viewers..no takers...grrr...lol

If you CAN pull it off, it sounds interesting. But there are a lot of odd hoops to jump through - the child has no sight, no concept of language, no external stimuli...unless you establish he can somehow experience the world through the mother's senses, or that he's reincarnated, and perhaps retains memories of his old self until the moment of birth...maybe he's a former victim reincarnated into her womb? Like I said, it sounds like you'd have to be fanciful to make it work, but if it does work, it's an interesting hook.

It doesn't have to be ultra-realistic. The unborn child could be omniscient. In fact, it'd be compelling for the unborn to do ALL the narrating. "Right now, a man is approaching us. Mother doesn't know this; he's good."

Does the reader know that it's the unborn child narrating all along, or is that a twist saved for later?

Also, while every idea has been done before at some level, just an FYI if you're paranoid about this sort of thing, the main recurring plot of the first season of Dexter was two rival serial killers crossing paths. Might be some ideas to mine there, and more importantly, some to avoid.

[QUOTE=mrbiggkid;1134468]Let me preface by apologizing if this is not the correct forum to place this thread...

I am putting together ideas for a piece of writing I want to do that involves duel serial killers meeting in a twist of fate. One male one female. I want to tell the stories seperately until they eventually cross paths...One of them is a pregnant woman and I want to use the unborn child as a narrator...My only issue with this is I do not know how, it will work..how "believable" ( I don't think that is the word I am looking for) it would be. I mean would it work to have an unborn child narrating things that are not in its environment. for instance, flashbacks before the child's conception, and scenes that the child is not present in..does this work and if not are there any suggestions on how I could make this work. Thanks so much![/QUOTE]

My advice is to give up on the idea. It's too gimmicky and will make your writing look pretentious. It'd probably be fine to have a few scenes narrated from the fetal point-of-view, but you'd have to have a reason for doing so. Unless the little shit is actually relevant to the story as a character, I wouldn't even bother doing that.

[QUOTE=monkeywright;1134533]If you CAN pull it off, it sounds interesting. But there are a lot of odd hoops to jump through - the child has no sight, no concept of language, no external stimuli...unless you establish he can somehow experience the world through the mother's senses, or that he's reincarnated, and perhaps retains memories of his old self until the moment of birth...maybe he's a former victim reincarnated into her womb? Like I said, it sounds like you'd have to be fanciful to make it work, but if it does work, it's an interesting hook.[/QUOTE]

You bring up a very interesting idea with the idea of it being a reincarnated victim...I like that. However, the mother is not to be revealed as a serial killer until later in the story. But I suppose I could save the idea that the baby is a reincarnated victim for that twist to come..The mother sells babies on the black market among many of her other deviant behaviors..I think that could possibly work out..I am going to think on that for a bit. The reader will only be suspecting the male to be a serial killer.

[QUOTE=Loren Vitale;1134555]My advice is to give up on the idea. It's too gimmicky and will make your writing look pretentious. It'd probably be fine to have a few scenes narrated from the fetal point-of-view, but you'd have to have a reason for doing so. Unless the little shit is actually relevant to the story as a character, I wouldn't even bother doing that.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the input, I agree that there could be problems with it but I want to come up with a not-so-common point of view...Still brainstorming options. I think the idea that the baby is a reincarnated victim makes the baby more relevant. I think the fact that the mom sells babies on the black market may make the baby relevant as well...but I agree there are issues that need to be resolved in order to make it work.

[QUOTE=furleyguy;1134549]Does the reader know that it's the unborn child narrating all along, or is that a twist saved for later?

Also, while every idea has been done before at some level, just an FYI if you're paranoid about this sort of thing, the main recurring plot of the first season of Dexter was two rival serial killers crossing paths. Might be some ideas to mine there, and more importantly, some to avoid.[/QUOTE]
Yes the reader would know the baby is narrating. as for the serial killers crossing paths I think what would make this different from Dexter (never seen the show) would be that you go through the majority of the book before ever knowing that both characters are serial killers.

[QUOTE=xec8;1134536]It doesn't have to be ultra-realistic. The unborn child could be omniscient. In fact, it'd be compelling for the unborn to do ALL the narrating. "Right now, a man is approaching us. Mother doesn't know this; he's good."[/QUOTE]

Very true, I guess the omniscient narrator can work. I would like for the unborn child to do ALL the narrating. That is what I am trying to work out. I have toyed with the idea of having the male character's POV being narrated in first person and then switching to the baby during chapters involving the woman, and once they get connected the baby takes over. I don't know that I like that..I guess I could still switch them off and on maybe. I have also thought of third person narration for the male and the baby for the female...but I am very interested in making the baby the narrator, and making it work.

Don't take this as a, well, tongue-lashing. I think it's awesome you're trying to be original, but originality for originality's sake never works. Use originality to get out of a tight spot, your initiative in other words. But whatever you do, if you're going for an unconventional narration - [I] that being a narration that breaks the fourth wall in a complex sort of way that I couldn't quite put into words but I'm sure would use "meta" somewhere and so I'll forget trying to think of it[/I] - it [B]needs [/B]to serve the story, and the story needs to serve the reader. Survivor - the telling of the story through the black box to us serves the story. Diary - finding out at the end, and this isn't a spoiler, that the events that transpired had been sent to Chuck in a letter, which isn't the best example, but it is a good one when it comes to serving the story.

If you can feel it, write it; if it's taking you that much effort, fuck it. Then again...what do I know. But, if you do pull it off it'd be a hell of a read.

[QUOTE=corellion;1134574]Don't take this as a, well, tongue-lashing. I think it's awesome you're trying to be original, but originality for originality's sake never works. Use originality to get out of a tight spot, your initiative in other words. But whatever you do, if you're going for an unconventional narration - [I] that being a narration that breaks the fourth wall in a complex sort of way that I couldn't quite put into words but I'm sure would use "meta" somewhere and so I'll forget trying to think of it[/I] - it [B]needs [/B]to serve the story, and the story needs to serve the reader. Survivor - the telling of the story through the black box to us serves the story. Diary - finding out at the end, and this isn't a spoiler, that the events that transpired had been sent to Chuck in a letter, which isn't the best example, but it is a good one when it comes to serving the story.[/QUOTE]

yes I see where you are coming from but at the same time those examples you gave, I am sure were chosen because they both serve the story and the fact that it was something fresh and new and engaged the reader...but yes I see what you mean.

[QUOTE=Hustle, Charlie;1134575]If you can feel it, write it; if it's taking you that much effort, fuck it. Then again...what do I know. But, if you do pull it off it'd be a hell of a read.[/QUOTE]

it isn't that it is taking that much effort really..I am only in the stages of putting together the plot, gathering some research...the narration idea came to me and I am just wondering what people would think about it actually working...but thanks for the advice and encouragement:006: