3:04am (short story)
Donnie Darko has narcolepsy, Charlie Bartlett had a father in jail and Tyler Durdan had insomnia and schizophrenia. I had my lies, my constant acting. Me being myself was the plethora of bullshit I spewed every where I went. Cocky, confident, sensitive, nobel, name a role and I could play it so well that you would swear it was genuine. My whole life has been one giant movie and I was the director, producer and the lead roll.
Anyone can be an artist. All you need to do is create something that looks good and put some kind of meaning behind it. Girls love a guy who can create some art. So here I sit at three in the morning cutting out a stencil with a x-acto knife. I have no artist talent what so ever so stencils are perfect. Take a photo off the internet, mess around with it in photoshop a bit. Print. Cut. Paint done.
There is a Institute of Technology in upstate New York, this is where I go to school. To the dismay of the male population a majority of the school is guys. Girls are like parking spots here. Taken, handicapped or someone just pulled out. That is except for her. She was skinny, long dark hair, a strong stare, beautiful in every sense of the word. There was one catch. She was deaf. I saw her leave the photo building so I knew she was an art major. Artsy chicks love sensitive art guys.
Monday, I walked up to her and said "When you fuck do you moan like a chimp?". She's deaf so it's not like she herd me. After a weird look she began typing on her phone and handed it to me: "what did you say? I am deaf I can't hear." I am an asshole and I love it. I typed back: "I'm Holden, I noticed you are a photographer. I like that." She smiled. I knew this was going to be fun. After talking I figured out she was single. Her favorite animal is a cheetah and she can't stand cocky guys. She thinks I am a sweetheart and I am cute. Winning so far.
Now it is friday morning. Three in the morning I sit here. I can't sleep and I am cutting out a stencil of a cheetah. I was dying to fuck this deaf chick. I had to know if they moan like monkeys. I was going to go over to her room that night learn sign language. A present of a cheetah painting and a 4loko later I had my answer. Nope not like monkeys but very loud.
Acting was the gift the world gave me but no way in hell I was going to waste it on the movie screen. If you could be any person you could be would you simply be the person the script says? Or would you be the person everyone wants you to be? Be loved by everyone, have everyone doing what you want. You are the perfect person in their eyes. In reality you are a fake asshole. You love it. I loved it. I got any girl I wanted, parents thought I was an angel, teachers thought i was genius, guys though I was a god. I didn't know who I was, at the time, I didn't care. I should have but I didn't.