A Warning From ChuckPalahniuk.net

OH FUCK.

::builds bomb shelter::

Holy crap - when did Chuck grow a beard?

That's awesome Dennis! Yeay!

*pees pants*

*begins restocking his Y2K bunker and busts out his "The End is Near" sign* Bring it on.

must....see...now...

Yes, he is coming indeed.

April 10-14, 2004

Postcards From an Asshole: The Dr. Tropical Conference

featuring such stimulating presentations as...

I am an Enigma
The Socio-Political Ramifications of "The Mummy"
You are NOT what you eat
How to Make Your Idols Personally Hate You
and
Being a Douchebag Without Knowing How to Douche

coincidentally, these are all given by Dr. Tropical himself.
See you next April!

did anyone else notice that the cults newest member is named, and i quote, "drtropical"?

That concludes MY broadcast day.

Not that I post much, but this takes "not much" down to never.

outstandingly good stuff! whoa!

prototype, that was hilarious!

I hate the idea of glorifying this idiot. Dennis, you'd better be making a him look like more of a jackass than he does already. Ha, I'm kidding, that's impossible.

He was such an idiot. When I first got to the conference at the meet-&-greet, he was following around Chuck wherever he went. Chuck was obviously trying to get away from him. He even followed Chuck to the garbage can. Jesus.

We also followed him and some others trying to find the luncheon. Of course, he went to the wrong place, and when we got to the luncheon, we almost didn't have a seat. I don't know why we followed him. I felt like I drank the magic kool-aid.

I remember him scampering after Chuck at the meet & greet. The poor son of a bitch.

The funniest thing--or perhaps the most disturbing--thing that I remember about Dr. Tropical was during setup. He was the first person waiting at the U.C. every morning--and I'd get there early, at least an hour before anyone else would to setup, and he'd be waiting there. And as I'd unload the mounds and mounds of Chuck merchandise from my car, he'd watch me. The two times he did offer to help, he'd lift up a box to determine whether or not it was "too heavy" which by his standards "too heavy" was anything over 10 lbs. He even watched a pregnant girl lift a box three times the weight of the one he had in his hands, and cut her off as he walked in the elevator. I don't think that I've ever seen a person disliked by so many people all at once. I'd even go so far as to say that the collective hate for Dr. Tropical was more of a bonding point than the love and admiration for Chuck's work was.

What's funny is that that's true.

At the bar and in the random hotel I ended up in with strange people drinking we never touched on Chuck's work. But there was plenty of banter about how Dr. Tropical should best have been aborted.

i talk to him all the time in the chat and on aim he's a cool guy. Unless he's entirely different in person i dont see why u guys are bashing him so much.

He must be entirely different because no one, anyone, anywhere could enjoy the company of this pretentious, untalented, attention grubbing, hack piece of shit.

everyone in the chat (the regulars anyway) appear to love him. But to each his own i guess.

Maybe it's not the same guy?

Or maybe he works in text and not in person. I think some people are like that.

iLL that could be i guess.

no...the chat pretty much sucks as of late...and i think that dr tropical is to blame for that.

the last time i went there, there was a girl telling erotic tales to a bunch of horny guys. now THAT'S what i call chuck palahniuk chat!

dr. tropical sucks.

the chat sucking has nothing to do with dr, it's probably my fault seeing as it's sucked ever since i stayed there. Ok i gotta ask, did any of you actually come up and talk to him? I mean seriosuly what gave you such a horrible impression?

yeah what up with all the hatin? so what if he cut off some fat lady. she probably walked slow. really though, he is pretty cool in the chat. at least he is amusing and says more than HELLO? and he actually sticks around. bunch of you fucks come in once or twice and think WELL FUCK NOBODY LOVES ME HERE I BETTER GO BACK TO THE BOARD, and don't come back.

you! YOU! GET THAT FUCK BACK IN THE CHAT ROOM! I WANNA FUCK YOUR FACE!

yeah splain how awful he is cause i just don't know i wasn't there. SOMEBODY MAKE IT LIKE I'M THERE! i mean you are ALL writers so make a story, accurate to the conference, so i can see it through your eyes.

I encountered Dr. Tropical at the Conference, although he didn't address himself as Dr. Tropical -- He was Dr. Robertson. Until now I had no reason to believe the free physical I received at the hotel wasn't 100% kosher. Now that I'm seeing his picture at the top of this thread, I have to wonder how many other people fell for the whole free physical examination thing in the hotel conference room. Has anyone else come forward about this?

Also, in response to small_fire's post, the regular male cast of #chuck is at no fault for the alleged whoremongering. At best her comments could only be construed as slander, if not an attack on a healthy sense of pseudo-sexuality and fair play. A harlot under the nickname "Neveroddoreven" frequents the #chuck channel and uses the devil's tools of deceit.. not only this but she is fueled by the insatiable curse of her lusting woman loins. As has been the case all through history, the woman simply brought the 'lewd acts' upon herself. It seems to me that small_fire's post was perhaps written in a fit of jealousy over the "small_fire" in her loins that wasn't extinguished by the love gravy of those faceless #chuck citizens. That's my story.

How is this documentary coming along anyway? Any idea when the masses can get their Chuck fix?

From the outlook of being someone who was heavily involved with setting up for the Conference, I can safely and undeniably say that everything negative said about Dr. Tropical was in fact only half of how bad he really was.

It's one thing to have an opinion. It's another to show it. But to infuse your garbage on someone when it's their spotlight (anyone who presented could attest to this, including Chuck), to follow Chuck around like he was something stuck to his shoe, to constantly interupt already great discussions with babble we could only look away from...I mean come on. He really was all that Proto and others have said, and more.

Another funny moment was when we were all at the coffee house on the Sunday of the Conference and Chuck was sort of partitioned off in the corner. Guess who tried to pull up a seat right next to him, meanwhile blocking whatever flow of traffic there was? You got it. Chuck turns to him and says, "You can't sit there."

Proto was right. From the couple of nights out at the bar, as many people who were there because of their love for Chuck, there really wasn't a single thing said about his writings. It was all about Dr. Tropical's invasion. Good thing he wasn't a)old enough to get in to the bar b)the plan worked and he didn't find out where to meet up or c)when he had his back turned we all really ran that fast.

But in fairness, I could see how he would in fact be a lot better in a chat room than in person. In a chat room, you can always walk away...

I still want to go back to that bar and take the bartender to Vegas and marry her.

Mighty fuck was I hammered. I must have had 20 drinks that night.

no offense justin but your post doesnt really confirm anything for me, it's just saying to trust you that he's a bad guy, i still see no such thing. You guys observed things u took to be arrogant, but it still sounds like none of you talked to him you just judged and ignored. I really can't see how all this bashing is justified.

No, I talked to him. It wasn't good. He was quite gergariously excited with himself.

how so? im curious.

Dude, it was months ago. I'm really not going to be able to quote verbatim.

He spoke a lot about his name and how it came from some mispronunciation by a teacher or some such shit, and how it DID NOT have anything to do with smoking weed. This was a ten minute story he told at Chuck right in the middle of someone else's conversation with him when she had paused to sip a drink.

I can remember more or less absolutely wanting to smack him. He was harmless but irritating, sort of like an excited sixth grader except louder and more convinced he should have equal attention payed to him since Chuck was getting fawned at.

I'm not saying he's a bad person, I'm not even sayign you shouldn't like or talk to him. I'm saying he annoyed the shit out of me both on a personal and impersonal level.

And just for the record, I'd go with Justin's opinion since Dr. Tropical pretty much followed Chuck and his associates around wherever they went and Justin was sort of his right hand guy during the whole conference. So he got a pretty healthy dose of the good Doctor.

it wasn't a matter of "talking" to him. whether you want it or not, he talked to you. and not just talk, talk...fucking jargon talk. take the most abstract nonesense you can think of, throw it in a blender, add to it a beard and sunglasses, and call it dr. tropical.

i guess i wasn't trying to persuade anyone persay as much as i was just telling it like it was. if you talked to anyone who went to the Conference, and anyone who tried to talk there...they'd more or less tell you the same story did.

as for the ignoring thing. you couldn't ignore him. people tried. everyone gave him an honest chance. they really did. that entire gathering was totally cool, and the kindship was an unspoken mutual thing shared by all. but image a bunch of cars just parked next to each other, people talking to each other out the windows, and out of nowhere at 100+mph a car comes and sideswipes you for no reason. that isn't exactly what it was like, my example was a tad less violent, but it pretty much captured it i think.

k who is this guy, whats ht ebig deal with him etc etc. fill me in on al the info

Just buy the documentary when it comes out.

I don't see any way, no matter how hard they try, this guy could not show up in it all over the place.

Proto's right.

There is no possible way that he could not make it into the video. In fact, I'd be inclined to say the "Where is Dr. Tropical" find him game could re-spark the "Where is Waldo" fad from years back.

Dont. Ever. Say. That. Again.

Haha.

I only say it because it's true...

It's going to be a hit across the Cult. How many times can you count Dr. Tropical in the Documentary.

Please God...the thought alone of having to relive him is scary.

*evil grin

He's coming...

whats so bad man, and when the hell is this friggin documentary comin out

well from dennis's ominous post....soon?

Dr. Tropical...

the new age reality show.

well it is a DOCumentary HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH oh man that was great.

cause doc you see, is doctor, and he's doctor tropical, doc is also the three first letters of documentary so you see the DOC can be used for both, thereby creating a humurous relationship between the two.

i didnt have a chance to go to the conference..curse the exams
anyway..is it just me..judgin from the pictures..it seems like dr topical looks almost exactly like bernie..of weekend at bernies..

i mean just look at him..how he just lay there...

HAHA!

Holy shit I totally see that correlation now. Weekend at Bernie's. And you know, Bernie did wear sunglasses in both movies. Hell, I suppose seeing that those movies did come out at least ten years ago, that would in part explain the mother beard going on.

That is truly funny shit.

so it's official, DrTropical has been declared dead.

yes..so i'm not delusional..cause i swear...its bernie! reincarnated

no he's dead. so he's just dead

we'll just have to see the documentary ourselves

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by prototype [/i]
[B]Maybe it's not the same guy? [/B][/QUOTE]

or maybe glamhoth is Dr. Tropical in disguise!