Pygmy Tour Essay: "Case Study Operative Witch"
I wrote the following to read on tour for Pygmy. The idea was to create the kind of bedtime stories which Pygmy would be subjected to during his ideological training.
Now, once upon a time…
by Chuck Palahniuk
Three Case Study for Generate Correct Right-Thinking Perception Among Modern Citizen Youths of Today…
Case Study Operative Witch
Occurring once time among passed years much-glorious history this national state homeland, existed most-wily clever female Comrade Witch. Boasted such-brilliant Citizen Witch much copious intellect. Labored much time noble Witch, for to construct entire own domicile, entire free-standing resident structure, employing solely sweetened confections, pastry baked goods, such variety decadent luxury commodity. Fabricate so-brilliant Comrade Witch entire edifice crafted of many tasty sugar candy. For fireplace chimney brick, composed infinite block peppermint candy.
Shingle of domicile roof layered waterproof from numerous narrow shingle licorice candy. House shutter -- for to shuttering window -- shutter labored of dense chocolate fudge candies. Side every wall composing house builded from bread-of-ginger embedded using corrupt amounts such delicious raisin fruit with generous fragments crushed walnut.
Talented Citizen Witch exhaust much state resources, squander such vast quantities time for erect so tempting yum-yum house of sweet corruption. Despite seeming waste such effort, in secret Comrade Witch much stealthy predator. Constitute brilliant political ally of state.
Forever, crafty Witch possess mind, utilize thinking machine of ticking clock. Forever patient, Citizen Witch await. Cunning Comrade Witch serve constant vigilant – every today, every passing night of today -- until able listen, able witness with sensitive Witch ear, sound of greedy American childrens endeavoring for consume candy domicile.
Typical such selfish American childrens envision all total world planet crafted for solely satisfy own such greedy hungers. United State childrens forever reading silly book. Forever listen with ear, Sony Walkman device. Compulsive for engage video competitions, utilizing Atari machine in endless battles “Pong.” Every forever languish such devil childrens, immobile upon luxurious sofas for to view antics of American television Street of Sesame. So wicked, all American citizen such wicked.
Traveling duo, male boy with female girl childrens, firstly approach candy domicile en route along pathway traversing forested, much-dense forested portion of this most-glorious nation state. Experience such vulgar American children no present hunger, yet eager youths commence for gnawing upon bread-of-ginger house. Vapid American tongues, lapping sweetness from fudge chocolate window shutter. Degraded, depraved children tooth masticating for destroy all labor and resources of Citizen Witch for merely digest and render as useless American feces.
Upon discover such United State vermin, crafty Witch announce, “Much welcome.” Hospitable Witch bid devil childrens devour until sated. Much admirable Citizen Witch display infinite patient for allow insatiable vile childrens chew, swallow, chew, swallow, macerate sugary charms of clever candy house.
Bid crafty Citizen Witch, invite childrens, say, “Please gluttonous guest childrens…” Say Witch, “Please share limited bounty of global petroleum resources.”
Much-wise, much-prudent Comrade Witch bid childrens, please, no longer export such vast degenerate product of American cultural imperialism.
Still, such evil childrens no exhibit shame. No demonstrate remorse. Merely remain greedy ravage as plaguing locusts.
Next now, mighty righteous Witch subdue childrens. Witch execute exact perfect, wham-pow, Zebra Death Kick Maneuver for render childrens no conscious. Victorious, long-suffering Citizen Witch mount for to bugger childrens. Happy most-succeeding Witch bugger, bugger, bugger upon no-conscious rapacious United State childrens. Bugger, bugger, bugger. Now victorious Witch… Mighty Witch champion, hero Witch sever every all blood vessel of American gluttons. Cleave unto pieces, riving apart arm and leg limbs of selfish childrens. Top most-thriving Comrade Witch, Witch teeth consuming alive meat, muscle, spouting blood of slothful Americans. Drenched in much-hot blood of United State oppressor childrens, Citizen Witch shout, screeching loud shout:
Every All Glory to be Accomplished in Honoring Philosophy This Single Correct Homeland State