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Your realistic goals:

After a good, long run, we have decided to close our forums in an effort to refocus attention to other sections of the site. Fortunately for you all, we're living in a time where discussion of a favorite topic now has a lot of homes. So we encourage you all to bring your ravenous love for discussion to Chuck's official Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram. And, as always, you can still post comments on all News updates. Thank you for your loyalty and passion over the years. These changes will happen June 1.

6. Get face carved into Mount Rushmore. Also, have sophisticated animatronics so my face blinks. Do this by:

5. Saving Bill Gates from a gang of surf assassins and their trained attack sharks, a few monts after I:

4. Start a detective agency in Hawaii that only deals with surf-related crimes. The detective agency will be financed by:

3. Winning the lottery. This will be made easier by purchasing 17,000 lottery tickets, which I'll pay for by:

2. Securing dozens of high-interest loans in the same day from every shady payday and title loan place in town, and whoever else will lend me money. I plan to go about this by:

1. Maxing out a few credit cards to buy hundreds of Santeria candles from a Mexican grocery store to boost my luck. It'll all get paid off when I win the lottery in step #3, right?