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Temper Tantrums


My telephone hasn't been able to receive incoming calls lately. Immediately I thought the issue was with the phone not the line. I mean it's a Siemens phone, German made and, frankly, a telephone I have never much liked.

Yesterday evening I came home from work and called the operator. However, when I dialed "0" on my phone I ended up connecting to 411 and listened to James Earl Jones extol the virtues of Verizon. A directory assistance operator came on the line and told me I had to dial "0." I told her I had. She said I must've dialed incorrectly. I said, how could you possibly think I confused "0" with "411?" She had no answer and insisted I dialed incorrectly. I hung up and tried again. Same result, only a different directory assistance operator who told me to not do anything after dialing "0." This is how I would get a REAL operator. Third time's a charm, as they say, but I didn't win anything and the operator's attitude didn't help. After the fourth attempt at dialing "0" I got a real super directory assistance operator on the line: she refused to recognize that I was extremely frustrated that no less than three of her colleagues has steered me in the wrong direction; she imputed that I could not tell one number from three ("0" and "411"); she alleged that the telephone company no longer checks lines to see if they're working for free - she meanly suggested I call repair. Anyway, this continued for some minutes. At the end of the day I told her to fuck off. That's when I threw the phone at my wall. I picked it up and realized it no longer would turn on.

I went downstairs into my basement, put the phone into a bag and wrapped the bag around the phone several times. I took an anvil down from one of the shelves and began to smash the phone with the anvil. Believe it or not all this succeeded in doing was flattening the phone a bit. Undeterred I retrieved a hammer from my tool chest and began hammering away at the offending object. The sounds of plastic cracking were delightful to my ears. I imagined mailing the smashed phone back to the manufacturer. I laughed at the thought. I had damaged it beyond repair, beyond recognition and I was satisfied. I threw the damned thing in the garbage and went about enjoying the rest of the evening.

So, let's hear about your recent temper tantrums. This one was a doozy.