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Masturbating in Iraq and other useful tips to help you enjoy your wartime experience

This is a snippet of my satirical memoir of my experience in Iraq. I'm gonna post a snippet of it on here.

I'm looking for publishers who would be interested in this type of writing.

...It all started when 3 guys ordered penis enlargement pills (I was just glad it was a different 3 that was watching gay porn, they might want to compare results).

Matt was complaining one day after shift about the pills and how you have to do stretching exercises. Matt said the “penis drills” would get him turned on, so he would just ‘rub one out.’ That opened the floodgate.

Now someone had to one up that one. Now people were bragging about how much they masturbated “10 times” one guy said. Another admitted they were getting blisters.

It was getting so bad that I had to remind soldiers to clean up after they “did the business.” So you could always tell who was doing it by the fresh pine sol on the floor in one small area of the floor. “Just keep it clean”

I could only imagine what the Saudi’s would have thought of us, a bunch of horny Americans masturbating and defiling their guard towers. It could have been worse, if they’d have known what really went on. Penegokgos, who was known as “Camp Kill Yourself (CKY, which later became the show Jackass on MTV, with Johnny Knoxville)” guy would record pranks on a video camera, including a video he made of Royce masturbating in his room, which he screened in the day room for all the barracks to see with the title “He’s A Wacker” on the screen.

He even broke into the base supply store and stole a bunch of desert cold weather jackets. He started throwing fruit onto the highway from the tower, which landed on angry Saudi’s SUV’s (they love ‘em over there) and probably created at least a couple more terrorists…