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Restless_Nerv's picture Restless_Nerv
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Was/Is anyone else inspired by this except from Choke like I was when I read it?


Those pages of map drawings. Yeah, those are mine. Funny, I’d forgotten all about that. Those are hand-drawn maps. Maps I drew when I was a little boy; a stupid, gullible little shit. You see, my mom told me that I could reinvent the whole world. That I had that kind of power. That I didn’t have to accept the world the way it stood, all property-lined and micromanaged. I could make it anything I wanted. I can remember it all now. She said to draw a new map every time we came into a new area. She told me to draw a map of the world just for myself. My own personal world. We were always on the run. Me and my mom--the future loony who doesn’t know how to eat anymore because she completely forgot--always on the run.

“I don’t want you to accept the world as it’s given,” she said. “I want you to invent it. I want you to have that skill. To create your own reality. You own set of laws. I want to try and teach you that.” She said, “Because the only frontier left is the world of intangibles, ideas, stories, music, art.”

And just now, I’m finally realizing what I should have all those years ago. God, why did it take me so long?

We can spend the rest of our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Intelligent or dumb. Heroes or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are.

Letting our past decide the future.

Or we can decide for ourselves.

And maybe it’s just our job to invent something better.

My best friend, Denny, he collected a mess of rocks, in all sizes for a while. That’s all he did. Collect rocks. Then he took them home--home being an abandoned farm that he recently inherited that’s out in the middle of nowhere. The reason why I’m here, on top of boulders and boulders of collected rocks is because of what he told me a few weeks ago when he first started gathering. I asked him, “What’s with all the rocks?” And he said, looking up at the night sky, “Rocks are like land, you know? And it’s like these rocks are a kit. It’s land, but with some assembly required. But you want to know what I think happened? I think that when God wanted to make the earth, the first thing he did was just get a lot of rocks together. And using the chaos of his life around him as energy and support, he created something extraordinary.”

It’s creepy, because I mean, here we are, Denny and me, weeks and weeks later, walking on top of thousands and thousands of rocks. We’re the crackpots of our time. We’re trying to establish an alternate reality. To build a world out of rocks and chaos.

What it’s going to be, I don’t know.

And maybe not knowing isn’t the point.

Where we’re standing right now is in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, on top of ruins in the dark. And I realize, what we build could be anything.