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Help me understand why you've given in to all these reckless dark desires...

You're lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile!!
Think about it, you're pounding on a fault line...
What'll it take to get it through to you, precious?
I'm over this...
Why do you wanna throw it away like this?
Such a mess. I don't want to watch you...

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time.

This song pretty much sums it up for me. Maynard is my drug free hero. See... you can't do drugs AND be successful. For example, if you pay close attention you'll realize that there's no way that MJK could've pulled off a performance like this if he was all whacked out of his mind on drugs...

A lot of people think that his songs contain drug references. Coincidentally, a lot of people are idiots.

I actually managed to leave my apartment last night.

It was the debut of Sunday Night Football and also a homecoming for Michael Vick who, after signing a 6 year, $100 million contract with Philedelphia, would be starting for the first time against his former Atlanta Falcon teammates in Atlanta. Atlanta is my team and the reason that staying home, a home with no cable, was impossible.

Vick jerseys were being burned in the Georgia Dome parking lot.

The game was awesome and there were alot of shit talkers at the bar. I was wearing a Matt Ryan jersey and if I wasn't the only Falcons fan in the building, there weren't very many others. A few loud comments were directed my way but thankfully no one came over and initiated a conversation with me, I don't think I could have handled it.

I left the bar immediately after it was over, I still can't believe I made it through the game in it's entirety. I'm glad I did.

I had a buzz from the 4 or 5 vodka and Sprites I had and on my way home I stopped at a friend's house. They were watching 12 Monkeys and doing blow, which really means they were doing blow and talking 90 mph about absolutely nothing at all and 12 Monkeys was on the television in the background.... I laid on the couch and propped my feet on the armrest of it, my usual spot, and quickly joined it.

12 Monkeys is a really good film, I highly recommend it if you've never seen it. One of Brad Pitt's best performances. Towards the end, when the protaganists are hiding in a movie theater and donning their disguises, Bruce Willis's character, Cole, suddenly realizes that he has, in fact, seen the movie that is playing, though it was a very long time ago and it's as if he's watching it for the first time. That's when he has this epiphany; that the movie never changes, it only seems as if you're seeing something different because YOU'RE different.

ANGLE ON THE AUDIENCE, a shadowy COUPLE near the back of the theater. WE CAN'T REALLY SEE THEM, but we recognize their VOICES

RAILLY
Here, let me help you.

The theater is briefly illuminated by a very bright scene on the
screen, revealing enough of COLE and RAILLY for us to see she's
doing something to his upper lip while he tries to watch the movie.

COLE
I think I've seen this movie before.
When I was a kid. It was on TV.

RAILLY
(fussing with his upper lip)
Shh -- don't talk. Hold still.

COLE
(moving his head to see the film)
I have seen it, but I don't remember
this part. Funny, it's like what's
happening to us, like the past. The
movie never changes -- it can't change
-- but everytime you see it, it seems
to be different because you're different
-- you notice different things.

RAILLY
If we can't change anything...because
it's already happened, then we ought to
at least smell the flowers.

COLE
Flowers! What flowers?

From the darkness, a MOVIE PATRON makes a SSSSHHHHH shound.

One of the best scenes in cinematic history.

It really is a fascinating concept, the concept of perception. A song can mean ten different things to ten different people or ten different things to the same person, depending on his or her perception of it at the time.

I'm watching 12 Monkeys for the first time again.

It's 4am and somewhere in the background of 12 Monkeys are a couple guys talking and doing blow and though I've known them for 15 years, I hardly know them.

I hear Tool songs I've never heard before. I know every word to them. Something that is so fluid, that is always changing, but never changes at all- how many things in my life did I perceive wrong, how would I perceive them now? Absolutely nothing is the same, even though absolutely nothing has changed.

It momentarily occurs to me that I know absolutely nothing. I make a mental note to get to work on that as soon as possible.

I made it out of my apartment last night, I guess that's a start.

Anyone like Tool?
Maynard?
12 Monkeys?
Aldous Huxley?
A Perfect Circle?
Alfred Hitchcock?