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Gavage

A gavage is an introduction of material into the stomach by a tube through the alimetary canal. In other words you are force fed what the person in control wants you to eat. This simple method can be life preserving and pain preserving.

Amerca's Aunt Terri was kept alive for 15 years by tube feeding before Uncle Mike pulled the plug. That same method was used on Vladimir Bukovsky.

"The feeding pipe was thick, thicker than my nostril, and would not go in. Blood came gushing out of my nose and tears down my cheeks, but they kept pushing until the cartilages cracked. I guess I would have screamed if I could, but I could not with the pipe in my throat."

This process that put 20 pounds of healthy human tissue on dear dieing grandma Rose put 20 pounds of paper and soap inside Serbian prisoners of Bosnia in 1996.

Chuck Palahniuk was my first gavage.

I remember that throughout the first 9 years of school life I was in love with books. I read anything recommended to me. Here were people truly serving the "created in god's image" aspect of life and actually creating something! But my freshman year changed everything for me.

One day I was reading a small book called "The Satanic Bible" by Anton LaVey in English. I had completed the day's assignment and felt I had earned my right to enjoy the fifteen minutes left in class. This book was not life changing in the sense that I changed my appearance and demeanor but it was life changing in the aspect that the teacher used it as grounds to humiliate me constantly. I was being ridiculed and labeled by those around me who could not reach into my head. A classroom became Rosary Ridicule and I stopped reading. I was young and unable to deal with being labeled by what I read.

I began to fill up the time I spent reading with other activities, much like a person who has parted ways with a lover. I became focused on music and honestly thought that what I wanted was to be a musician. This would go on for 5 years.

It was November 2006 in a bar when I found my redemption. I had been drinking for quite awhile that night because everything was too much. My grandma had been diagnosed that March with Alzheimer's and in a last ditch attempt to keep her wishes alive I had moved in with her. My grandma was a funny ol' gal with stories for everything you could imagine, just like your grandma probably is. She was always adamant about how much she hated retirement homes and when she was diagnosed, that was the first thing my mom and uncle wanted to do. Put her in a retirement home. I moved in and did my best to avoid that outcome. That November 2 things happened. I lost my "very caring" girlfriend, and my grandma was placed in a retirement home because the family decided it was too much for me.

I went to a corner in this bar and on the table was a book. It's name didn't ring a bell but the author's name did. Something about this book screamed read me. A call I hadn't heard in years. I read the first line.

"If you're going to read this, don't bother."

I had to. Some part of me had to know why I shouldn't bother. I had to know at that moment why my Gene Wilder, my personal Willy Wonka was telling me not to bother. Rather than turn in the book to the bar I grabbed it went home and began to read.

Victor Mancini was literally my savior.

Choke taught me things I never wanted to know on my own. This book took me places that I was too scared to enter and I was thankful for this mental rape. Like a horny nun being deflowered by a handsome priest I was thanking god for every moment of it!

After reading Choke cover to cover I had gotten back in touch with myself. I had found who I was. I had spent years chasing the unicorn rock dream with a band where no one got along all because I wanted to tell a story. Music was just a front for what I really wanted to do with my life.

So here I am. I've had 5 articles published and 3 books rejected all around and I've never been happier.

My name is John and for the past minute or so I was your gavage.