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"fuck you, maple syrup!"

aphonicmessiah's picture aphonicmessiah
0 posts

i was at work yesterday, cleaning out the maple syrup bottles so they could be refilled and not-so-sticky. when i ventured to the dry storage, i couldnt find the 5-gallon syrup bucket, and i was getting really pissed off. ive always loathed the stuff, and now im on hands and knees in a freezing cold warehouse, getting rat shit all over me, sticking to the syrup that wont wash off my hands.
i gave up and went back to work (i washed my hands, dont worry).
later on, i had to find some plates, and the fucking bucket was in the wrong goddamned room! the only thing i could say was, "fuck you, maple syrup!"
as i grilled, mopped, cleaned dishes, chopped wood, and filled the pig smoker for the rest of the day, i made up and sang a song, appropriately named "fuck you, maple syrup!"

the only lyrics i can remember from the song are:
"fuck you, maple syrup!
you are so fuckin icky
and you make the tables sticky
at restaurants.

a lot people like you on pancakes,
but frankly, baby, you aint so great.
chocolate syrup's okay,
but maple syrup, you lose today.

fuck you, maple syrup!"