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Fiction Author Deathmatch!

Situation: Chuck Palahniuk. vs. China Mieville in a fight to the death.

Who wins, why?

N.B. Chuck is not allowed to win just because you haven't read any C.M. books.

In my world, although Palahniuk takes a severe beating in the first round, he manages to rip the trademark earrings from Mievilles ear just before the bell. Seconds out, round two and members of Project Mayhem storm the ring, stomping Mieville to a bloody pulp, blowing up his corner and lathering him up with fat from his own ass. In a shock reversal, Slake-Moths from New Crobuzon descend on Palahniuk and his P.M. goons, instantly killing one and distracting the rest who gather round to repeat 'His name was Robert Paulson' over and over. Mieville capitalizes on the move and rushes Palahniuk, knocking him to the floor and revealing the fact that Palahniuk has had wings the entire time while also rupturing the floor of the ring and allowing a group of blood-stained and red-eyed short story writers to emerge from what they thought was a 'writers retreat' under the arena. They set about Mieville, who they blame for their incarceration and tear him limb from limb, casually eating select parts of him for sustenance and possible inspiration. Meanwhile, a Garuda that had been watching the proceedings from the lighting rig leaps into the melee, tearing off Palahniuks head and recovering the wings from his back that the Garuda had been searching for the entire time.

WINNER: MIEVILLE on points.

Who do you want to see fight?