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First Experiences.

The first time that I watched Fight Club, and the first time that I read the book, I was getting about as much sleep as I am now on a regular basis. That is to say, probably two or three hours a night. (A maximum of six to seven before I wake up and can't sleep anymore, no matter how tired I am.) It literally drives me insane, at least to the extent that I can't really divide between my conscious and subconscious very effectively. The fact that most of my subconscious is the "darkness" means that it really, truly comes to the surface when I don't get enough sleep, meaning that most of the time my mindset isn't really my own. (Could I really be demon posessed? If hell is real, then I could very well be. I'd imagine that there's some sort of external force that's protecting me in some way or another. Perhaps it's simply defying the odds, but I somehow doubt that. Especially when I'm this tired.) At least I get to sleep on public holidays, seldom though they may be. Even so, I was sort of taken aback by the whole "Tyler Durden" personality, because it was so damned close to what I was becoming. There was a even time that I thought (at the time, and now still think) that I was going insane. Apparently, it was the post traumatic stress syndome rearing its ugly head, but I don't know of any traumatic incidents that happened that would have or even could have caused that. In any case, it started in some class or another. I don't remember much of it, which isn't really any suprise (especially considering that I didn't pay any attention, anyhow). I was reading the textbook for the pure hell of it, the teacher was talking about something or another, and the white board was empty. What seemed like seconds later, I glanced up and fell off my chair. The white board was full, and the teacher was in the back of the room. I looked back down, and I was in an entirely different section. I had no recollection, and still have none, of what happened during that time. It had only been a few minutes, but it scared me shitless. It esecalated from there, totally unpredictably. At once point, I "blanked" for three weeks straight. I was acting entirely normally, but I started taking notes on what happened so that I wouldn't act too abnormally or forgetfully. Eventually, after the last bout a few years back, it totally stopped. However, when I watched Fight Club, I realized how damned close that was to what I was becoming the sort of opposite equivelant of. I was Tyler, but blanking out and becoming Joe, or Jack, or whatever the protagonist's name was, but I was the same person the entire time. It fucked with my head.